And so, I've decided to move!

No, I'm not talking about moving house (even though I am going to move in another week haha).

My blog has a new home too!

http://geripeiying.livejournal.com/

See you there k? =)

i scribbled at
2:02 PM

I've always thought that I'm pretty okay at communication, and a tad better doing it on paper rather than verbally.

Maybe I do suck at it after all.

It matters not that I have a "nemesis" of some sort in office. Nevermind the fact that he was the very first person to accompany me for lunch on my first day in this company. And that he does have a pretty interesting sense of humour if he's in a good mood. And willing to converse with you.

Since then, all I can say is that we're like fire and ice. One cannot exist if the other is around. Apart from work-related issues (which I try to avoid as much as possible by going through my senior as the medium of communication), I feel invisible next to him. Or should I say..he takes it as though I don't exist. Unless, unfortunately, he has no choice but to address me. In which case, the tone is condescending and cool.

I've kinda long since given up on that. I used to show him respect even though his attitude to me was shit, but after a couple more direct and unnecessary hits that started looking more and more like he has a personal prejudice against me, I decided to stop trying to be nice.

And so, I've stopped. I just ignore him completely.

Next comes another problem, in the form of a colleague I used to be fairly close to. Well, at least, right at the start when I first joined the company. Strange, I'm starting to see a pattern here. I'm sure you see it too, if you're reading up till here. "When I first joined the company...."

Anyways. Lately, we've been having issues communicating to each other about things we want done. The conclusion is, after a rather heated and again, unnecessary, "argument", I find him too petty and a tad slow, whereas he has complained that I'm too impatient.

I agree with the impatience I showed last week; but did he ever stop to think about the thousand and million times I displayed godly amounts of patience towards him?

All the times I had to invent stories and excuses for clients because he couldn't give me what I needed. Lying to clients just so he could have that bit more time to finish up what should have long been finished. And when did I ever say anything when he had tons of work to finish, not enough time, and still went out for lunch? Over here, the unspoken but widely-practiced mentality is, if you can't finish your work and it's urgent, don't dream about lunch. If you want lunch, eat at your desk.

Yes, I'm a complaining bitch I know, as I have been doing rather endlessly of late. I'm quite taken aback myself at how whiney and grumbly I've become. Don't think I like this; I don't. Not a single bit.

I no longer find much happiness in work. I no longer greet my clients cheerily over the phone and make small talk or laugh like I mean it. Now, I work at my table, hunched over in tension, frowning till I get frequent headaches. And every now and then, I have mini-arguments with colleagues. Usually the same one or two.

Why does it seem like I'm always the one trying to be nice, going out of my way to make life easier for them, when at the littlest bit of disagreement, they go complaining and hence, our work relationship is now affected?

I'm tired of doing things not within my jobscope. Maybe I sound like I'm making myself out to be better than I really am, but bottomline is, I'm really tired of grabbing hold of loose ends and glueing/tying them together, just so the relationship won't be so terse when there are disagreements. The moment I let go abit, it goes haywire.

Can't colleagues ever be friends? Can't he be more understanding? I rush him for work; you think no one's rushing me? He's not the one having to deal with promised deadlines. Hell, the deadlines he promise, he doesn't always fulfil. And does he get into trouble for that? NO.

When he needs some kind of help/suggestions, he doesn't ask. Then he goes and complains that I don't help him, I don't provide ideas, when I don't even know that he needs those. Do I look like I read minds? Of course I know that I should do research and help out if needed, especially for difficult, new projects. But for a project he says he knows well, why would I think of asking if he needs help? Again, I'm no psychic. You want help, you jolly well ask for it. You have a mouth to complain, you have no mouth to ask?

I've been turning into a crybaby pretty often lately. And it's bad. I can't always put it down to PMS, cos' no normal girl PMSes for a whole month straight.

And when my over-sensitivity leads me to pick fights with my boy..that's not good at all.

He told me something last night that kinda broke my heart.

I know what he meant, of course..he doesn't like the way I behave and make a storm out of a teacup at times, especially lately. But he still loves me. So thank god for that.

I have headaches practically daily now.

When I meet friends and gather, I don't feel the spirit of..freedom. When I talk, they don't hear me. And I shrink into my shell, instead of repeating and making myself heard.

It's not a really good feeling..

And I'm starting to miss my daddy everyday. It's like back to when he first left us. I cried everyday.

It takes very very little these days to start the waterworks.

I wonder..where have I gone?

Maybe it's really time I should move on..regardless of plans that have been drawn up for me.

And sometimes I think to myself..wouldn't it have been better if I were the one to go instead of you?..

i scribbled at
8:45 PM

migraine. impatience. unnecessary tears. exhaustion.

A migraine which killed my entire day.

Impatience from someone I thought should understand me best.

Unnecessary tears because of someone's impatience.

And finally, utter exhaustion from a day gone wrong.

Pretty much sums up how I feel right now.

i scribbled at
8:00 PM

Ultra hectic couple of days..it's been nothing but moving and packing, and more moving and more packing.

Officially moved out, and now we're back to my aunt's old place. This is gonna be home for the next month or so, before we finally move into our own home! Can't wait for all the renovations to complete. I haven't even picked out my wall colours yet. Haha.

Very tiring though..I haven't had time for myself all weekend till now. Even so, I think this week is gonna be devoted to moving stuffs from one house to the other. Sighh. And the consequences of this? I'm falling sick. =(

Not gonna have internet at home either..which explains why I'm blogging in the middle of the day. *ahem*

Doesn't feel like CNY is coming..only a mere couple of days before my moomoo year will give way to the tiger year. At least we kind of have our own place for the new year, so it won't be so awkward. =)

Gonna stock up on goodies! Hope I don't fall sick for real..*cross fingers*

Just realised that this year when I get all week off next week, my mum and sis gotta go back to work on the 17th! Siann. One whole week with no one at home to accompany me. Bleahh.

Okays back to the important stuffs...

*sniffles*

i scribbled at
12:42 PM

Went to the airport after work to send the boyfriend off. He's going on holiday but I'm not!!! =(

Anyways, that was like my first time in 24 years sending off someone at the airport by myself. I'm pretty amazed at this revelation. Haha. All other times, I was always with a group of people.

And honestly? The feeling sucks. Cos' as you watch the person wave goodbye and disappear from view, you're left all alone to head back the way you came. Sighh.

As I began my lonely way home (let me exaggerate a little can), I came to the conclusion that depending on which side of the gate you're at, the feeling is different.

If I were the one flying off on a holiday, sure, I'd miss my darling (and everyone else) back home, but at the same time, I'd probably be too busy having fun and maximising my R&R time to pine too much.

Instead, I'm now the one missing my boy muchlyy even though I was with him only a few hours ago. It's not so much that I have to cling on to him every second..it's more of the knowledge that I won't be seeing him for the next couple of days. Especially when we happen to work in the same office and see each other practically everyday.

I guess it's because when you're the one left behind here at home, everyday's some sort of a routine, and there are certain things you either take for granted, or are simply used to. So, when the routine is broken, you feel the difference all the more keenly. Whereas if you're overseas, you'll be too busy taking in the sights and sounds to bother about routine. What kind of routine would you have in a foreign land?

And so, I've come to a second conclusion. I am totally and completely not made for LDRs.

Which makes me admire, all the more, couples who can keep a long-distance relationship going strong. Eventually getting married and spending the rest of their lives together too. Like my darling cousin, for one.

My boy better not decide to drop me a bombshell one fine day and move back to myanmar. I will so totally....feel lost.

Almost scary being in a relationship sometimes. After awhile, you just kinda forget how it feels like to live without your significant other. I was asking myself just now, what was life like before mb came along? Wasn't I doing perfectly fine on my own? Not that I'm incapable of living on my own now. I just happen to like life in couplehood. Especially with him. Hee.

Ohwells. That's life for you; the many different stages and chapters. And the people who enter and leave. All I know is, I hate goodbyes; both the temporary and the permanent. Particularly the latter.

Anyhow, I'm going to have fun nonetheless, whether or not the boyfriend's here. Although I don't see how fun it's going to get when I have to work this saturday. Bleahh.

Ohh heck it. I miss you all the same.

i scribbled at
10:56 PM

And so ends a hectic monday..extremely eventful, I might add.

Somehow, my bosses got wind of news that yours truly is considering a change in career, though absolutely nothing concrete has been confirmed. To be honest, I have been thinking quite abit lately about a job switch. But not enough to go running from my current job and towards the other direction yet.

Was extremely surprised when they requested to meet me today; lady boss is still on maternity leave, so we had the review meeting at her house.

To cut a long story short..I shall be officially promoted with a pay raise come tomorrow. They actually offered me an amount higher than I suggested. Can't say I'm not happy..I'm certainly glad to finally draw a somewhat decent pay, though at the back of my mind, I happen to know a place which can pay me muchh higher. But I shall not dwell on that for now.

Won't deny that the career path they've mapped out for me is fairly attractive. And involves hell alot of hard work as well. I guess everything comes with a price..this turn of events doesn't come FOC.

Well! Hopefully things will proceed rather smoothly from now and I can live up to whatever's expected of me. I can't say there haven't been times when I just felt like quitting or taking a long break. I still want my long break, though quitting isn't an option for the time being. Heh.

On a side note, my boy's going overseas this week and I am sooo gonna miss him. God I sound like some lovesick clingy gf. *shudders* Should be having plenty to occupy my time though..what with all the packing nonsense.

House-moving is taking a new turn everyday, and I really wonder what's going to spring up tomorrow. I'm getting really sick and tired of hearing a different plan from my mum almost daily.

And honestly? Quite annoyed with the latest news from her. Looks like the new house isn't going to be home sweet home after all. I can shelve all plans about decorating my room and how comfy I wanna make it. What's the use if I'm gonna have to move again in potentially another year or so? Not even enough time for dust to collect all over the house.

Sighh.

I just want a place I can call home. Why is that so difficult?

i scribbled at
1:09 AM

I guess I should thank my lucky stars that my dayima came a little earlier this month, or it'd hit me during the birthday chalet this Friday. Although it meant having to skip my beach picnic with the bf yesterday, at least he and my sister entertained each other with a jigsaw puzzle. Heh.

On MC today..which makes this week a little shorter since I'm gonna be on leave because of the chalet again. At least the cramps are abit better..but the headache isn't. Sighh.

Was looking at fareastflora website, wondering if I should get something for my boss and her newborn baby, when I came across the page on plush blush. They have really, really adorable gifts! Ohmans..seeing them just makes me feel like sending something to someone. Hahaha. If you happen to need recommendations for flower delivery with a little twist, try this!

http://www.fareastflora.com/promotions/promodetail.aspx?promid=JAN0110W&PG=2

Turns out that the bouquet lings had delivered to my office once came from this category too! Cute to the max! Flowers and all things adorable really brighten my day. =)

So many babies around lately..what with little josh (cranky but oh-so-cute), baby ashton and now my boss' baby girl..haha. Machiam all in a hurry to come out before the tiger year. Lol.

Don't understand the older generation's fixation that tiger babies, or rather, tiger baby girls, are not good. Although I was born just short of the tiger year, I'm surrounded by plentyyy of tiger babies in my batch, and I don't have an issue with any tiger-born, boy or girl. Heh.

Ohh crap. Still haven't thought of what to get for the sister and the bestie. And the boyfriend. Sighh..am I going broke, or what? Plus the chalet..not so sure after all if it was such a good idea to hold a combined birthday party with a potentially long guestlist. And having a mother who breathes down my neck about the party cost, making scathing sarcastic remarks about the food/drinks I want to buy. I sooo do not need such nonsense.

Everyone shall eat grass at the chalet. =x

I think I shall shorten my birthday wishlist to just one thing:

Angbao!!

If you can't think of what to get me, cash will very gladly be accepted. Reallyyyy. Haha.

Wonder if there will come a day when the cramps will stop harrassing me every month...

i scribbled at
5:26 PM