Today wasn't too bad..although I think some of my colleagues are starting to hate me. Oops. When stressed by clients and deadlines and my bosses, I pass the stress on to them. Really wonder if being a designer or an AE is worse. True that it's jialat for designers when they hit a mental block and can't think of suitable concepts within a pressing deadline, but same goes for those in my role..and we're sandwiched between so many different parties!

Okay okay let's be fair then. It's different. >_<

Supper with the usual gang just now; I could get used to this mans. Every 2 weeks or so organise a supper outing..although I usually end up pretty tired the next day cos' I stay up later. But it's worth it!! And tomorrow I A M O N L E A V E!!!

Happiness can!! =D

Although I don't know why I so readily told my clients to just gimme a ring if they need me tomorrow. Stupid geri stupid. But bo pian lehh. =x

Hope I get my shopping done tomorrow..die die also must get my heels! Or I can walk around barefoot on saturday. Bleahh.

And I want soooo muchh to go for the 100km walk too!! Sighh. Why must the 2 events clash..what more the whole lot of them are going for the walk together this time. Damn fun can! =(

Hope I get to go cambodia next year for ocip again! BBLC and the darlings I've missed!! Although there's no way I can use all my annual leave on that one trip. My mum will murder me. Siann.

Finally, for the first time this week, I actually walked out of the office for lunch! Or rather, to buy back lunch and eat. Haha. The rest of the days I've had different colleagues dabao-ing back for me, or simply skipping lunch. Feels good to get that little bit of sun! Considering that the only place in office where I can actually sun myself a little is in the toilet. -_-'''

Read someone's blog again after awhile..I haven't abandoned it entirely, although a few times I thought that he gave up totally on blogging. I still remember his hilarious posts last time which would have me in stitches..and the blog we both shared.

And I read something that was actually dedicated to me (I think. Wahlau skarlie it's another ex haha). All that came to mind was the word "irony". How ironic for him to only discover now that what I said back then was nothing short of the truth, nothing far from reality. He disagreed with me so much back then that I knew he would never be the one for me. If his entry was posted a year ago..I probably would have melted and gone back to before.

Anyhows..I'm still glad that he's finally understood why that issue was something so important to me, something I truly believe in. And..it's no point regretting either. What's the use? It's all over.

I think we both made the right decision then. Although we swayed awhile, it was all for the better eventually.

Sometimes, I really think I'm not meant to love. It's easier to stay out of the emotional pithole where you can't see the bottom.

i scribbled at
12:41 AM

I think I'm finally starting to climb towards the peak of my workload. Note that the climb has only just started; apparently for the past 3 months or so, it's been a flat ground I was slowly making my way around on.

This reality is abit of a shocker to me. Yet at the same time, it's a pretty warm feeling to know that more senior colleagues and my bosses have been on the lookout for newbie me, trying to smoothen my learning curve and not make my mistakes sound like, well, my mistakes.

But I guess all good things must come to an end..just like how I can't be a newbie forever. Every day is starting to feel worse than hectic, more than overwhelming and just plain..stressful, actually.

Was just telling nick online today that work is never-ending; the day your work ends, means you're fired. Unless, of course, you choose to quit la. Haha.

Now I know why my colleagues can work till ridiculous hours late into the night early in the morning, and still be unable to finish their workload. I'm becoming one of them now! Scariness. Gone are the times of even thinking that I can leave before the sun sets and night falls.

Ohwells..can't be helped. I'm just so afraid of falling into the cycle whereby life is just work, eat, sleep, work...and the process continues. Been having to remind myself, and getting more reminders that, life isn't all about work and the last thing I should do is to let work rule my life. But it's really not easy, especially when no less than 5 days of the week are devoted to 10-over-hour work days.

Going out after work really brightens up my mood though! Unless I'm so drained by work that even the thought of having fun with friends weighs less than going home to stone. Eeks.

Anyhows! Today was a not-so-fantastic day at work, but my night out after that more than made up for it! Finally caught bolt and it's a really cute show! Pretty heartwarming too..now I know the reason behind those rave reviews I've been hearing about. =) Next flick I wanna catch is twilight! Yes yes I'm just a sucker for such storylines. Hahaha. Most things gothic never fail to catch my attention!

And I finally own a watch! Ticktockticktock! After years of not wearing one. Haha. The "abstinence" from watches first started in lower sec, when I scratched the face of a limited ed watch I owned..I was so xim tia that I refused to wear a watch again so that I wouldn't have the chance to scratch it. Lol.

All along though, I maintained an interest in watches and admired gorgeous designs all the same..it became more of wanting to own so many different types to match my mood/outfit and simply wanting many choices. Of course, no way I could afford such a lifestyle (seeing as how the watches I adore are usually pretty pricey), hence might as well not buy them at all. Haha.

Okay that's a really long grandmother story I have up there. Lol. To cut the long story short..got myself a watch! More than half of it a gift actually. Thanks for the "watch discount"! =p And now I have this urge to buy many pretty watches which catch my eye, be they sporty or classy or elegant or whatever! Just like someone HAHA. =D

And yayness! Tomorrow's my last work day of the week cos' friday I'm on leave!! Actually I don't have to take leave I guess..but..after a pretty rough 3 days (goshh it's only been a freaking 3 days?!) I seriously need a break. And there's the last minute shopping for stuffs I need for the wedding! Eeks. Recommendations for pretty silver heels that won't kill a bridesmaid, anyone?

Still hoping very very hard that my dayima will be nice to me this month and come only after the wedding..I'm almost willing to tahan the pain if only it won't interefere with the wedding day. =x

Okays this has been a longish post and I need to sleep! Another long day tomorrow before I get a nice break from work..must gear up my engine and tackle all those crap head-on. Haha.

Goodnights world!

And I like the way we are. Simple, rubbishy, fortunate and happy. =)

i scribbled at
1:16 AM

I don't know where to start whining from. Goshh.

Thought that today would be one of those usual days at work, or maybe even a good day since I woke up feeling better than I had since the flu set in.

Unfortunately, while my nose didn't run like it did the past few days, it was totally blocked. And so, I ended up with a headache for most part of the day. =x

And then, to make things fantastically better, 2 of my colleagues made me so hopping mad that my anger boiled to the point of tears. I haven't felt that way in quite a while, and it's the first since I started work. I guess it was partly due to feeling sick and exhausted while dealing with work stress. AND people colleague stress.

To top it all off...I apparently screwed up a project pretty badly and the boss was very, very unhappy. Yes, yes, my eye is untrained..I'm still not skilled enough to pick up on every single detail and mistake and potential areas which could lead to the company's reputation being tarnished. Arghhh.

I'm just being unusually whiny and difficult cos' I still feel like shit la. To be fair, my boss didn't blame me entirely..but he made his point pretty clear. I may still be a newbie, but some things cannot be condoned. At most, it can only happen once. Anymore and....let's not think about the consequences.

There won't be a second time.

The medicine still doesn't work. It's the third type of medicine I've switched to in 5 days. That's abit ridiculous, even by my standards. But nothing seems to help! At best, it works for a short while. At worst, I've wasted quite a bit of moolah buying so many types. And instead of clearing my flu, it's adding on with a throbbing headache.

Don't know if I'll recover in time for the wedding..and the worst part is, I'm praying damn hard that my dayima won't come before or ON the wedding day. Sighh. And I thought everything was going pretty well for me...

Can't wait for friday, when I'll be on leave. I really need a break. Not counting the days I was on mc, and public holidays..I think I need an average of about one break day every 3 months, in order to stay sane.

My head is killing me. I want to just curl up and sleep and not wake up.

And there I was, imagining what life would be like at this moment if you're still around..

i scribbled at
10:10 PM

Just got back from the soka entrance level exam, and I am sooo sure I'm gonna fail! Haha.

Think the next one will be in either a year or two's time..peishan was texting me good luck and all, and I told her I gained sufficient knowledge this time round for retaking the next exam. She almost fainted haha!

At any rate..it's over! Considering I only finished reading the book this morning, and can't remember most of what I read (not even studied), the fact that I could finish the paper is not bad already la. =p

And! I thought I'd better blog before I become internet-less at home for the next 3 weeks or so. Thank goodness I can at least check my emails at work..but no more anime and manga and blogging for 3 weeks! Sad-ed lehh.

Moving to the new house should be quite fun I think..it's so darn huge! Though eventually I hope to move out to our own home soon..think we've been pretty imposing for quite a long time now. No matter how thick a person's skin may be, sure will be paisehh one la. Not so nice after all..not as if we chipped in to buy that house. Ohwells.

And I'm still not recovered from the annoying flu! Arghh. All the medicines don't work, and I'm at my wits' end already. Must recover within the next few days!

I actually had alot of things I wanted to blog about, but now I can't remember what! Powerful right. Hahaha. Goldfish memory at work again..anyways! Looking forward to the coming week! And there are so many movies I wanna catch!

Christmas is coming!!! =)))

i scribbled at
3:12 PM

I hate being sickkk!!!! =(

Looks like my immunity didn't work against all the germs I've been exposed to..think most people in office have been sick since like 2 weeks ago; it's a wonder I didn't catch the bug earlier.

But why now?! Seeing as how the wedding is next weekend. Arghh.

Finally bought my dress! Very simple but nice enough..and I can potentially wear it out for other dinners and events. Yippeee. =)

There are, like, a million and one things I wanna do and another gazillion places I wanna go, but time is a factor..and so's the company.

The last week was really happening though! Enjoyed myself super thoroughly!

The next few weeks promise to bring about more events and happy occasions..can't wait! And christmas is coming to town!!

Haiya I'm just blogging for the sake of blogging cos' I'm too sick to sleep comfortably. Although I'm tiredd. And tomorrow's a work day. =\

I look like a freaking reindeer just in time for xmas la.

Rudolph geri the red nose reindeer, had a very shiny nose...

Bleahh.

i scribbled at
11:30 PM

My sister is damn rubbish la! She actually didn't know that today's a public hol, and when I woke up, she asked how come I don't have to work today. The best part was, I woke up quite late today, and even if she thought I had work, she didn't wake me up. -_-'''

Imagine if I really overslept. And she let me continue sleeping. Diee. Hahaha.

Had my ktv fix yesterday with the girlfriends! Happiness!! =)) And I swear we are such camwhores la. Between huizhen's and my camera, we have over 50 continuous shots of non-stop poses I think. Haha! Not counting another million candid shots and another whole lot of peektures. =p

Dinner at the chinatown market was fraught was unforseen situations..it was so funny actually. Especially mine and lamu's. Haha! Rojak desperation hits a new high. Sounds like some article title lol.

The bff and I went down to punggol marina to find the cam'onions after that..thought it would be everyone there! In the end only 10 of us, but it was fun trying our hand at prawning! Although I didn't catch any la. It's harder than fishing mans..don't think it's possible to feel the prawn jerking your line. They eat chicken heart leh! Should have seen bern and I wondering before that, what they use as bait. And our surprise when we found out about the chicken heart. Lol.

And the prawns were huge!! Bern and I were still wondering how small were they. Hahaha. In the end the rest of them who were there earlier caught 10 prawns! Sounded little to me before I reached, but after trying it personally, I think they're damn zai already! =p

That prawning session was really hilarious..trying to capture them forming words and shapes with sparklers. The four-letter word attempt was damn funny. And bern's star was ultra nice! Conclusion: you need a good camera and someone with fast movement. =D

Celebrated yang's bday too, and thankfully his hair didn't catch fire again this time. Lol. He almost wanted to try out the same stunt with the candles..but 4 was too many I think. Haha.

Love the weekend that just passed! Okay la, apart from saturday day. No one loves funerals.

Ohh and I have this entire pen of mehmehs downstairs my house! Next to the mosque..cos' of hari raya la. I feel sad for them that they eventually got slaughtered, but they really stink leh! Cannot tahan..and I parked my car opposite them cos' there were no more lots inside. Goodness.

The funny thing is, I thought mehmehs are supposed to be white? Like snowy white and frisky..okay okay that's for lambs. Like mary had a little lamb. Haha. Lameness aside, those downstairs were certainly not white lor. They were brown! And extremely uniformly brown. I really don't think they're dirty. It's too...uniform a shade. Lol. Rolling in the mud shouldn't produce such a shade. At any rate, the rain didn't wash the brown off them either. =p

Okay I'm really boliao to be discussing about the origin of the mehmehs' colour. Haha. Haiya tomorrow's back to work again..and this saturday is a working saturday too. =( But look on the bright side..I get today off! =)

Hungry hungry..shall drag my sister out for lunch.

And...

Happy birthday melvin! =D

i scribbled at
11:41 AM

So much has happened in the past few days! Been staying at the tpy home for certain reasons, hence the lack of internet access. Which translates into the inability to blog.

And great, I kind of forgot things along the way which I wanted to blog about. Dots.

Been shuttling between home and bkt panjang for the funeral wake..quite sad that my cousins have to go through what I endured almost a year ago. That all-too-familiar feeling, with scenes from last year's sadness replaying in my mind over and over again.

Thought that I've been doing a pretty good job with coping, and staying strong like how others have been urging me to. I think I haven't been doing a bad job, but it still hurts la.

Time heals all wounds, but the scars will always remain.

It's been a rough patch for the extended family..in less than a year, we've held 3 funerals. My daddy, my ah gong, my auntie..I'm becoming so familiar with the funeral rites and routes to the columbarium that I think it just sounds so wrong. Haii.

And ironically, in both a good and bad way, this has allowed me to become slightly closer to the cousins I never really knew. Related by blood, but that's about it. For the first time in my life, I actually texted my elder cousin, and found out the name of the younger one.

This kind of feeling...it's nothing short of bittersweet. That it had to take such sad events to bring about this tentatively emerging bond.

Mel commented that I had alot to sms tonight..was walking and eating and talking while texting. The bulk of it went to the younger cousin. In a way..he's like the younger brother I never had. Really wonder why did we wait so long before taking the initiative to be there for one another. That's why I say..ironic. But I'm glad that we're striking up firm ties and I'm not going to let go of it, no matter what. It's time I really started cherishing what's important, kinship and all. Daddy would have been happy. =)

Ohwells..death is a part of life, the beginning of the end which brings everything to full circle. It's inevitable, so the only way is to make sure the process leading to it doesn't involve any regrets after.

It's been a tiring day, shuttling from home to the funeral, sending them to the crematorium and back and blah blah..I think I travelled PIE about 7 times today. Was so shagged on the way home that I almost fell asleep along the expressway. Really spaced out for that few intervals here and there while driving..

On a happier note, dinner was pretty good! Although we ended up not shopping much, didn't catch the intended movie, and couldn't find anything exciting to do. Shit mans I feel like a boring person. Haha.

And I realised that I'm very scaredy-cat at the wheel now. No thanks (or should I say, all thanks) to my mum for making me the driver I am now. Puii.

Ohh! There was this poor little kid who was crying and running around the mall just now, looking for his mummy. In the end we brought him to the information counter to report his separation from his parents..and so coincidentally, his father was at the counter reporting that he lost his kid!

It was quite funny seeing as how the dad looked as though he wanted to scold mel and I. Haha. I think he must have thought we took his son away or something. But afterward he was quite grateful. Haha. Think that little boy must have run quite a distance.

And he's really quite cuteee! Chubby cheeks but the poor little darling had tears rolling down his face..he was so trusting when I wanted to hold his hand to bring him to the counter. And he allowed me to carry him without any fuss! Aww...I love kids. =)

Had 2 supper outings this week too! Really very fun..celebrating the 3 guys' birthdays and just chilling out. I think such outings should be made compulsory like once a week or every fortnightly. Gives me something to look forward to!

Looking forward to the next few weeks all the way into the new year, cos' there's something on almost every week. Long weekend this week so it's less one work day! And the following weekend is lings' wedding already...so exciting!

Crap I haven't bought my evening dress!!

And xmas is coming! Followed by new year..and CNY and so on..yippeee. =)

Work is getting crazy and I'm actually feeling so much stress that I wanna unplug the telephone line. Haha. But I'm still trying to cope and overcome the challenges I face! At least I'm happy where I am. =)

And the bosses' wedding was so romantic..totally a match made in heaven! Really happy for them, and the rest of us were trigger-happy too! Trigger as in the camwhoring part. Hahaha. Need to post pics up soon!

Ktv tomorrow, I c a n n o t w a i t!!! Excited to the MAX!!

Pity that probably can't join cam'on for prawning and bbq though..I miss them all onions!!

Life is pretty much back on track, and I'm enjoying each day as much as I can. I still wish I can turn back time and ask for that one day, but I know that's pointless. The memories flash by, lingering, some hurting. I try not to dwell, but sometimes that's just so impossible. But I know that's not what you want, so I shall try my best and be the daddy's girl I always was, and always will be.

And come 31st..that will be a true test. Love you daddy.

i scribbled at
1:27 AM