Sometimes I really wonder why is it that the two of us just can't get past even a week without arguing over something. And usually, the trigger is something really minor and dumb. Arghh.

I'm seriously envious of girls who are practically best friends with their mums and can share everything. If only I shared the kind of relationship with mine like I had with daddy. Sighh.

But some things, it's no use hoping for. All I can do is tolerate and make it better in any way possible. Much as I hate to admit it, we're far from best friends, really..if we can stop jumping at each other's throats every few days, I guess I just need to live out the rest of my life like that.

I'm not proud to say that I'm not exactly her dream daughter, or that she isn't quite my dream mum either..yes, cherish your family, I know. I'm trying..trying...trying....

I miss my daddy...

On a happier note, my darling baby nephew is finally out in this bright and colourful world. =) Nameless as yet, but little junior is really adorable. Can't wait for his baby shower...great job favourite coussie. I'm soo glad everything went fine and you're now the proud mummy of a beautiful baby boy. *huggs*

Guess the earlier incident kinda shook me up a little..that, and a few more other things. Suddenly, I'm not so sure if life is really as good as I thought it was for me. Sometimes, especially lately, I don't get much time to be jaded and ponder on the cynicism of what goes on around me. In a way it's good, but I feel like I've lost a small part of myself along the way. My life now revolves around a few things only.

I miss hanging out with my friends. Everyone has gotten so busy, and events in one another's life makes each of us lazy to a certain extent. I'm no longer as proactive in calling people out to just hang out and chill..making extra effort to get everyone together to have fun..or even responding positively to those who bother.

It's been a tiring day..or rather, afternoon. Reflective, emotional, tearful, exhausting. And the list continues.

Been so married to work the last couple of weeks and months that I've forgotten what the setting sun looks like as I walk out of the office building. Now, every night, I'm greeted by the moon hanging in the sky whenever I finally call it a day. And in a couple of hours, the new day starts again with the same routine.

No more running, blading, suppers, or even dinners with people (other than colleagues who leave equally late). If not, it's just dinner delivery to the office.

This sucks.

I've lost my momentum..my motivation to stay active and fit..and for this very crap reason, I am entirely not prepared for the marathon I actually forgot I registered for.

And so, I've decided to put my marathon-completion goal on hold. There's no way I'm going to make it through that thing without a single bit of preparation. They should really have a treadmill in office.

Much as I'm disappointed with myself, in a way, the inability to complete (or even start) what I signed myself up for kinda jolts me awake to the reality that this nonsense I'm doing to myself has gotta stop.

I just used this phrase on my favourite senior: the company won't die without you for a day, but you will suffer if you go to work sick. Whether sick or not..there's really no point in working your ass off and neglecting everything else.

The number of appointments I've had to cancel because of OT..the lack of time to run after work..to hang out with people who actually knock off when the sun is about to set..flying the aeroplane of friends..and the days just pass me by.

I don't wanna end off this year with the realisation that I've accomplished nothing much.

Need to start getting my life back on track. Time for a reality check.

And I don't want the tears no more.

i scribbled at
10:37 PM

Just realised that I haven't blogged for so long! Was blog surfing and decided to pay my own blog a visit, cos' I just couldn't remember when my last entry was. Haha.

Let's see..the indo trip was pretty good! The kids at the orphanage were so adorable..seriously had a language barrier cos' I couldn't speak or understand bahasa, and neither could they english, but body language, smiles and laughter aplenty have this way of bridging gaps like nothing else can. =)

There was this cute girl who was so attached to me, I have no idea whyy. She called me her sister! So sweet la..and she actually teared when we were leaving. Kinda makes me miss lyny..just found out today that she has skype and msn! Certainly took me long enough..haha.

Just when I thought we finally wrapped up that nightmarish project from hell, I found out that we have to continue working on an extension of the project. Faints. But this time, things seem ever so slightly better..hopefully it won't go back to the depths of hell. *crosses fingers* In fact, if all goes well and we take on another project by this same client, maybe we'll get to fly to beijing next year for photoshoot! Woots! =D

Anyhows..jumping back to non-work related stuffs. Haha. Attended my darling's convocation the weekend before and we extended our trip to go visit his friend in subang, as well as partayyy one of the nights away in genting! Seriously fun to the max! Especially the night we spent drinking and dancing away in the apartment..I swear the guys were gay like nobody's business. Damn hilarious!

Someone's officially smart! =p

And it's really nice meeting some of his friends..in a way, they've kind of become my friends too. =) Can't wait for some of them to come to singapore end of the year so we can all go party at the countdown together!

And strangely, I never expected this, but seeing my boy get along with my family makes me really happy. Haha. It's so cute watching him make plans for "family days"..thinking of where to bring my mum and sis..what to get my sister for xmas..this feeling, I likeee. Finally, an other half who doesn't run away at the thought of meeting the people who matter to me. =)

I think I'd better start learning burmese. Can't imagine how am I going to communicate with his parents when they eventually do come to singapore. Like chicken and ducks talking. Lol.

So fastt and in the blink of an eye, the year's almost coming to an end..which also means xmas is just around the corner! Though it'll make my wallet really sad, I can't wait to start my xmas shopping! Wheee! =D

Everytime I count my lucky stars..I thank god for you. =)

i scribbled at
12:46 AM

Gotta leave home in 4 hours' time, and I'm still not able to go to bed. Sighh.

Don't know how am I going to survive tomorrow volunteering at the orphanage..for those who are wondering "what orphanage?", I'm going to indonesia in a few hours' time for the weekend..kind of like company CSR.

Super tiredd. And hungry. =x

This project really sucks..stayed in office till after midnight, then rushed home to find a bag to pack my stuffs for the weekend. Thought I could go to bed after showering, but noooo...my boss didn't know how to upload the mega-huge video file online for the client to download. And started an sms conversation with me. Ohwells.

So now, it's still not uploaded, when I promised that annoying client she will get it tonight. Sians. In the end, he's going to pass the file to my boy to do the uploading and send me the link, so that I can email it to the client.

Wondering now if I should sleep first and scramble in 3 hours' time, or just wait for the bloody thing to be uploaded then go to bed.

Then again, at this rate, maybe I don't even need to go sleep anymore. Just lun till sunrise, and the rest of saturday.

*yawns*

This whole week has been hellish..back to the late nights and free OT-ing. Really starting to take its toll..like crazy breakouts. And dinner-less me ended up eating koko krunch at 1am. Haha. Although I don't agree, my colleague told me that I've lost weight. Where??

I just wanna go to bed...damn exhausted..

Can't wait for the event to end next week. Then we'll be free of them. So what if they're a potentially huge and rich client? I don't wanna bend over backwards to promise things I have to go through hell for, in order to meet the deadline.

It's simply not worth it.

When two people are so vastly different, patience is key to making things work. I'm trying here; what about you?

i scribbled at
2:46 AM

I just read shan's blog, tagged a short message, but it didn't seem adequate..so thought I'd "talk" to her here since I know she reads mine.

My dear girl..I think you've done really, really well the past week. The strength you've been displaying, trying to lead life as per normal and remaining upbeat through your grief; this isn't something everyone is able to do. I'm proud of you, really. =)

Your mum was a beautiful person..the couple of times I met her throughout our years of friendship, the kind of sincerity she extended to us, as your friends, was really heart-warming. And from your blog entry, I'm even more sure that she was a truly admirable mother who sacrificed alot for your family's happiness.

Those words above may sound "politically-correct", as some would say, but that is not my intention here. I want you to know that, even though she's no longer physically around, she still lives on in your heart and memories.

Hold on to those happy memories of her, because that is the real her, the mum you so love and who brought you up to be the wonderful girl you are today. Remember her in her happiness, the times her smile shone brilliantly and her laughter echoed in your ears.

And the last thing you should be doing is to blame yourself for something that wasn't within your control. We all know how much your family has done, as well as your mum herself. Sometimes in life, things just don't go the way as planned, and life drops sudden shocks and unpleasant surprises on us. Which is why all the more you need to stay strong.

The grieving process is a long one, and trust me, time does dull the pain. Grieve positively, and cry if you want to, because bottling it up is just going to make you feel worse.

I know you miss her, and as your life continues, you're going to keep on missing her. But please don't forget that she is never far from you; one thing I truly believe is that no matter where you are, she will be there watching over you, as she always has. Keep her in your heart, for that is where she belongs now.

For the same reason, you must stay happy and continue living life positively, because just ask yourself: isn't that the greatest wish of any parent? So don't disappoint her okay?

And always remember that one day, you will see her again. I really believe in that..I'm also waiting for the day I'll see my daddy again. Maybe your mum and my dad can be friends in the afterlife. Haha..what a way to put it. But yeah..you get my point. =)

I hope I wasn't being too nonsensical..just want you to know that you're never alone, there's always us and a whole load of other people out there who love you and want the best for you. Continue to be the ever-cheerful shan I've always known k? You know where to find me (and the rest) whenever you need a listening ear, a shoulder to lean on, a shopping kaki, fellow food junkie or whatever at all.

Love you babe. *huggs

The darker the night, the nearer the dawn.

i scribbled at
9:58 PM

This has been an extremely lazy sunday mans.

Slept when the sun was almost rising, and woke up ridiculously late! Kept snoozing my alarm..haha. I haven't woken up sooo late in many years now. The queueing and squeezing and dancing really tired me out.

And then my boy texted me mid-afternoon, saying he still hadn't slept. Really, I wonder what he lives on. He has the craziest amount of energy I swear.

I don't wanna go to work tomorrow!! Sighh.

To make things worse, sp has officially left and our department is now one man lady down. Meaning, more sai gang is going to come my way. I sure hope I don't end up having to cover her jobscope..cos' if I do, then I deserve to be promoted to her position a.k.a assistant manager.

HAHA. Like that's going to happen anytime soon.

Not quite looking forward to having more people leaving the company..maybe it's time I started relooking my options and finding an alternative tooo. I certainly don't intend to stay here forever..

And it might actually be a good thing to NOT work in the same office as the boyfriend. Some people tell me I'm damn lucky cos' I get to see him everyday. But they haven't quite thought about the times when either of us don't particularly wanna see each other. Haha.

And honestly, office romance is not easy to handle at all. Especially in a company as small as ours. And the fact that the bosses are more than just employers to him. The times we have our differences...you wouldn't wanna believe how frustrated we can make each other at times.

But as of now, I miss my boy...another "disadvantage" of seeing each other almost daily. Cos' you get too used to it and when you don't, each day apart feels like a week or something. =x

Faster come backk!

I need to stop being lazy and start training for the marathon I almost forgot I signed up for. Really, I wonder what possessed me to do it. I'm totally not ready for it at all! I'm just going to end up walking by myself like 3/4 of the way or something. Ohwells. Need to get my running shoes out and stop being a lazy bum.

That, or convince the bosses that we need a treadmill in office. Hahaha.

So many things I wanna do, so many places I wanna go..

One step at a time.

i scribbled at
11:35 PM

Happy Halloween!!!

It's 5am in the morning and I got home less than an hour ago..now waiting for my ultra wet hair to dry.

This has gotta be my most happening halloween by far. Haha.

Met the boyfriend, maung and mimi to go clubbing at clarke quay..the couple wanted to go rebel, and so we were there at 10.30pm. I actually naively thought that we could make it in before 11pm and pay just 15 bucks.

Guess I forgot to remind myself of the occasion today.

We walked squeezed past rebel...waaaay past actually, all the way to the taxi stand, where the queue started. And when we next saw the entrance of the club, that was at least two hours later.

Seriously, don't ask me why we queued a freaking two hours to get into a club. On halloween night, no less.

When we were nearing the entrance, there was talk of dropping the idea and just heading to some club or pub at boat quay..but mimi and I were pretty reluctant, cos' that would mean queuing for nothing, and what if the next club we hit had another hour-long queue?

And so we continued being squashed like sardines, the situation getting worse by the minute. It was totally horrific I swear..when we were almost at the front, this girl standing behind me whined to her boyfriend, "I feel like vomiting,". My boy and I looked at each other and went, "uh oh" before laughing. Hahaha.

When we were finally IN the club..it was so effing crowded!! But still, we managed to down our drinks and dance like another 2 hours? Lol. Not too bad after all..it was fun! But my legs are totally aching from my heels now. =x

In all my years growing up, I'd never been out at the clubbing scene on halloween before. It was really an eye-opener seeing the many many different ghouls and costumes and whatnot..some are really damn nice! Pity we didn't have the time to prepare costumes too...

Let's see..I saw three scooby doos, draculas, a grizzly gorilla, some ghosts, alot of bloodied fellows, knights in not-so-shining armour, many bunnies, policemen (even the GAY ones!), etc etc..and surprisingly, alot of guys who cross-dressed! The one who left the deepest impression on me has to be this guy who was in a really sexayy top and micro-mini skirt. The top was so revealing, I could see all his chest hair. I machiam went "....." all the way. HAHA.

And I saw Pain from Akatsuki (naruto) and Ichigo in his hollow mask (bleach)!! Really damn cool sia..also saw a girl wearing the st. nicks. uniform. Lol. Seems like my idea of halloween as having to dress up as witches and wizards and ghosts has been long overturned. If anything, the parade I saw tonight was nothing short of a combination of mardi gras, halloween, cosplay and so on..simply a costume party. Haha.

Next year, I am sooo gonna dress up for halloween! And it's either we hit the clubs really early, or we organise our own party. No way am I queuing another two freaking hours to get into a completely packed club mans. Once is enough!

Now I have one year to think of what to wear. Haha! The bf decided on a really marvellous idea: to wear his traditional costume from myanmar. Cos' he has no doubts at all that no one else will turn up in the same thing. Lol. So cute la. I really can't imagine. =p

Even as I'm typing this and my eyelids are about to close..my boy is waiting to board his flight to KL. Sighh..am missing him already. So fasttt. Haha..then next weekend my turn to go to indonesia without him. =(

Can't wait for the following week though..hope my dayima will be extra nice to me and just delay till I reach back sg.

Tomorrow will probably be a lazy sunday..before another crazy work week starts again. Am not quite looking forward to it..but what to do. =x

Okays goodnights world!

i scribbled at
5:05 AM