I feel so nua at home on a sunday! The earlier downpour didn't help..just made me feel like burrowing under the blanket.

Hope the rain stays away later! Rain on a wedding day just seems to dampen the atmosphere.

And I actually found another dress which I can wear to the wedding later! It's so funny, cos' I actually went home to get it for my sister, since the last time I tried wearing it, it was abit loose. Seeing as how it kind of fits me now, it just goes to show I haven't been exaggerating about my weight gain! Bleahh.

Haiya I should have just opted to go on my own without a partner..so troublesome now that I've gotta go much earlier to help out. Heck that I won't know almost the entire table I'll be sitting at; it beats trying to figure out a solution to the timing now. Arghhh.

Saw the newspaper headlines this morning while having breakfast in the kitchen; it's so sad that we lost a fellow singaporean in the mumbai terrorist attacks. Reading about what others had to say about her, and about her life story illustrated in black and white on newspaper..that feeling is so surreal and heartwrenching.

It doesn't matter that I never knew her or the people around her; just reading about the brutal horror she endured was enough to sadden. I can't imagine if something like this were to happen to someone I know.

Which brings home the point really..how life can be so unpredictable at times. Of all the possible things to happen to one in life, things like dying in a terrorist attack hardly ranks high on the list. Yet, it still happens, and we in our little sheltered home of a red dot here only feel the truth hit hard when it happens to one of us.

There are things you can prevent, take precautions against, but for some things in life, there just isn't an all-coverage solution. When I think of people like my mum, who are natural worry-warts and imagine the worst, I really wonder what's the point in doing so.

The way I look at it, just live life the way you want, with happiness and no regrets. Anything can happen anytime, and it's just not possible to take precautions against every single event. As long as you know what you're doing, don't procrastinate the important things in life, especially with regards to people and relationships around you, then I think that's pretty sufficient..

Some people may beg to differ, but let me reiterate that this is purely my own personal viewpoint. Disagree with me as much as you want; you're entitled to. As the stark reality of the consequences of the attack hits home, all the more I believe that my life's mantra has been pretty much on the right track all along.

Life is truly short and unpredicatble; live it your way with no regrets.

At any rate..I really hope her family and friends will be able to come to terms with their grief soon, and turn it into strength, for the days ahead will be long and arduous. Especially so when it happened so suddenly, without warning and in such a sad manner.

What a topic to start the day with; ohwells. I'm still feeling very lethargic even though the rain has stopped.

Can't wait for next weekend! The long weekend with promises of clubbing and ktv! *prays hard that we'll get our booking!*

i scribbled at
1:25 PM

The last time I got home near 2am, has gotta be no less than a month ago.

And I was so darn freaking tired in the car just now! Almost fell asleep while the music was blasting my ears off. Can't remember when I last felt so shagged.

Shouldn't haven't waited in office so long for the video rendering..I bet it's still ongoing now. Can't decide whether to go back to office tomorrow or not. Supposed to give boss the assurance that her video's going to turn out fine..hmm.

Anyhows, spent most of this week at eastcoastpark! Love that place loads, whether to chill at night after work, or to go jogging. Ultra proud of myself for running the entire stretch from macs to bedok jetty! Okay la not very far, but considering that I'm super out of shape..good effort right! =p

And I'm just dying to get my portable harddrive back from nick! Sooo glad that he's fixed it for me..thought that gift from daddy would have had to go to waste. Yays it's not going to be useless! And that means alot to me. =)

Went to sitex with bb and rina yesterday after work; got myself a 640gb HDD (don't ask me why) and a new bag! Okay, the IT fair didn't sell bags; the john little sale a few doors down did. Lol.

And I still have nothing to wear for the wedding on sunday! Shucks..need to start hunting stuff down..or buy a dress tomorrow..the latter doesn't seem very likely though.

I think I'm getting old. A year ago today, I could be up at this time and be totally awake. Heck, I could survive on less than 10hours of sleep for 5 over days. With vigorous activities everyday. Think FOC. But now..tireddd. =(

Long day at work..mental exhaustion translates to physical tiredness sooner or later. This weekend's gonna be busy!

Really wanna have a getaway..even if only for a weekend. Heck the no-pay leave till April. I need a break!

I miss school.

And I miss you too..whether you know it or not.

i scribbled at
2:41 AM

Darn busy day at work! Still able to cope though..think this is something which really comes from within. Sometimes, it's not so much of the overwhelming workload that threatens to drown you; rather, it's your attitude in tackling challenges which makes all the difference. =)

Okays gonna have company for the wedding on sunday! Hope I don't regret my choice. Haha. And I still haven't found a dress to wear! Shucks.

Met up with nick last night! That was a long overdue meetup mans! Satisfied our craving for jap food and went for dessert at ecp! Followed by a nice long walk to digest the huge amount of food we ate. Lol.

It was really enjoyable just yakking and crapping about all kinds of stuffs..from his days in the army, to him as the "all-fearing" chairperson in comm last time, our work, missing school, movies and blah..loved the catch-up session!

And nick fixed my hard drive for me!! Omgoshh freaking at long last la! When no one could give me a solution, and I obviously didn't know what to do with it..thank you so muchh! =D

Exams are ending for the uni people, and I'm hoping this means more meetups soon! The 29ners, my ij darlings, cam'on, and everyone else!

Really think I'm just blogging for the sake of blogging. Hahaha. Can't wait for ktv next weekend! =)))

i scribbled at
12:10 AM

I've Been Walking In This Road
Time Passing Me By
Letting Go Of What I Couldn't Hold
Finding Places To Hide
I've Been Watching You Closely
Every Move That You Make
And All The Things You've Showed To Me
Are Getting Harder To Take

I Wish That We Could Begin From The Start
I Pray That I Could Be Brave Enough
To Show You How Easily I Fall Apart
I Can't Let You Know
That I Can't Let It Show
'Cause I'd Rather Be Without Than Be Without You

I Guess I Feel Like A Stranger
When It Comes Down To Love
I'm Too Aware of The Danger
That It Can Bring Upon Us

I Wish That We Could Begin From The Start
I Pray That I Could Be Brave Enough
To Show You How Easily I Fall Apart
I Can't Let You Know

I Wish That We Could Begin From The Start
I Pray That I Could Be Brave Enough
To Find Out If You'd Ever Give Me Your Heart
Cause You Don't Let Me Know
You Don't Let It Show
And I Want You To Know
That I'd Rather Be Without Than Without You

Jack Savoretti - Without

I like the melody of this song..something a little different from the usual pop and rock. Feel that it contains a little more whimsicality and maturity..strange that I've never heard of this singer before.

Anyhows, woke up feeling a little crampy so popped the pink pills again..shucks la, no wonder my liver isn't in a very good condition. The way I pop my panadols and the number of years I was on antibiotics..must start reversing the process.

Feeling quite lazy to go out but promised to meet lamu today already. After delaying for so long! Oops. Very nua at home..*yawns*

Another week to the wedding..wondering whether I should I ask if I can bring a friend along. Seeing as how the rest of them are bringing their other halves I think. And if we're all going to be split up, I don't wanna end up alone with no one to talk to! Bleahh.

And anders is so cuteeee!

ah ee: "Anders! Mum mum loh!" (lunch time)
anders: (starts trying to get out of the playpen) "Mum mum mum mum!!!"

=p

Been trying without success to get him to say "ee ee" though. Just imagine, he only has to learn that ONE syllable "ee" to settle his three aunties! Damn good deal la! But he just refuses to call us "ee ee". Hahaha.

Uh oh. The little prince is crying in the kitchen. Me go kaypoh for abit!

i scribbled at
11:36 AM

Today's cramps were the worst by far! Goshh.

Thought maybe the sinseh's medicine would help a little..so I tried delaying taking my painkillers till I really couldn't take it. Too bad I took so long to make that decision. Think I ended throwing up the painkillers in office. Eeks.

Things got so bad that I just had to take the afternoon off..there goes half a day of unpaid leave! But it's a good thing I came back. Threw up another time on the way down to find a cab, and the moment I reached home, I threw up everything else.

Record number of times sia..three pukes in a day!! And all thanks to cramps. Bleahh. Best part was, I hardly ate anything, don't know how come I had so much "output".

Was just telling bern on msn that colleagues are different from friends..friends go all out for you, especially close ones, and you don't ever have to worry if you're feeling unwell when with them. I was pretty skeptical about the same thing in the office, but turns out I was wrong.

My boss wanted to get someone to send me back, so sweet of her! Told her don't need, but anyway, BB walked me down all the way to the main road, tried to flag a cab for me and ended up calling for one. She didn't have to, but she did anyway..it's the little things like these which really touch me. I guess I would have done the same for anyone, but maybe to the skeptical me, this made a huge difference.

At any rate, I'm pretty lucky even though I had such a terrible day! Lucky to have understanding colleagues, just nice have toilets nearby right before I needed to puke (cross fingers), have my mummy and meimei at home to take care of me.. =)

Okays I wanna watch tv! Hope the cramps don't come back..*prays hard*

i scribbled at
9:57 PM

COE at TWO freaking buckeroos wth!

*don't think don't think don't think*

But darn tempting, don't you agree? Crap.

i scribbled at
12:50 AM

And here I am again! After a 10-days hiatus and back by popular demand! Sadly, it's only demand by ONE person. A dua pai character who finally has time to visit my blog again while in tokyoland. =p

Hey favourite coussie, don't say I never update my blog okays! Here I am writing an entry specially for you to read! Haha.

The last thing I want to do after getting home each day is to come online actually. After being on it for, like, no less than 10 hours each day. Goshh la.

Work's getting really busy and things just simply pile up like it's free! I mean, technically speaking it is free, but that's not the point! There are only so many brain cells I can multitask with at one time. Arghh. But still pretty much enjoying what I do..except for the occasional skirmish with clients or within the office.

And after only 2 months odd here, I'm starting to exhibit symptoms of occupational hazards. Such as talking in terms of "concepts" and "ideas" and "bindings" and "finishings"..gone are the days when I'd blindly collect any and every kind of postcards in malls. Now, I scrutinise for the "aesthetically-pleasing" kind (reminds me of a particular client haha) and I've taken to keeping boxes and packagings which are unique. Now, can you spell for me karang guni? I feel abit like one. Lol.

Ohh! Lunch in office today was a damn happening affair! BB suddenly skyped a few of us and said that she didn't feel like going out for lunch; who wanted 933 chicken curry in a loaf delivery?

What ensued included lots of decision-making processes which depended on how lazy one was to walk out for lunch, whether someone else's wallet needed to go on a "diet", what kinds of food were available, who else was eating, blah blah.

And finally! BB picked up the phone to call and order, only to give her order halfway and.....

"I'll call back later to order!"

And so repeated the whole process of figuring out who wanted lunch delivery cos' 2 more dear girls couldn't make up their minds. Hahaha.

Eventually managed to place our order, with the discovery that there would be 10% off the total bill if we did self-collection! Aunties to the max haha!

Note: They were situated in the building next to ours. =p

And who went to collect the food? BB and yours truly. And after we got back, something struck me as being kind of wrong.

I wonder who was the one who initially didn't want to walk out for lunch, that's why we called for delivery. In the end, we walked even further than if we had simply gone to the coffeeshop downstairs. So much for delivery la. Lol.

But that's when I discovered the kind of companies which existed near our office! As lings aptly puts it, I sound like I'm working near lots of factory outlets.

If only they sold stuff like topshop, warehouse, miss selfridge and the likes. I'd gladly forgo lunch a few times a week for some retail therapy during lunch hour. Haha!

Lots of friends still having exams; I've almost forgotten how it feels like to feel the adrenalin rush of sitting for a paper, the shared despair (and secret relief =p) when everyone moans after a particularly challenging paper..the super early nights (for me) before a morning paper the next day..the mountain of essence of chicken my parents would make me bring to hall..

Those were the days man...I miss them so, exams and all!

Easy for me to say, now that I no longer have to take exams. =p

And I still can't find the perfect bridesmaid dress!! Yes so I am hiao and I want the perfect dress, cannot meh? Haha. Recommendations, anyone? Just nothing black, or someone reading this will smack me. =D

I think I'm going to start agonising over what to wear for tomorrow in about..ohh, another 2 hours' time or so. This has become a nightly ritual for some strange reason. Which will be delayed till the next morning when I need to rush. Haha. Thing is..I have alot of clothes! Though I believe you can never have too many, so shop to your heart's content! As long as your wallet can tahan. =p

Ohh as I was saying..I have alot of clothes BUT..many aren't suitable for work. People who know me shouldn't be surprised la. Haha. I totally need more bottoms for work..but they simply elude me whenever I hit the shops!

Ohh crap I didn't realise I've typed such an essay! So much for having nothing to blog about. Sorry for the bore haha. But coussie you'd better appreciate this long-as-history post okays!! =p

Haven't been going out much after work..I miss the frequent suppers I used to indulge in, right till quite a couple of weeks back. Not so much of the food; more of the company and enjoying the night out. Gotta limit the time I can stay out till, but I've been fairly good for many weeks now; abit more freedom shouldn't hurt too much la huh. If I can find pple to go with.

Lots of things have changed, in a short span of time. Good and bad, happy and sad. Events coming up, such as ling's wedding, xmas and new year, which I'm really looking forward to. I love the year-end festive season. =) Trying to think of ways to celebrate already..suggestions, anyone?

At the same time..the coming month is starting to bring back lots of memories which made me really sad last year. The last day of 2008 is going to be tough..when everyone is in a celebratory mood, my feelings will be mixed. Don't know to say if I look forward to the 31st or not.

Anyhows! Live life one day at a time for now. Love my weekends and wacky laughter induced by funny colleagues and incidents at work. Life was really bad once upon a time, but it's now time to pick up the pieces and move on.

=)

i scribbled at
9:17 PM

Just got back from morning gongyo at the tampines HQ..haven't had to wake up so early in quite awhile! I'm pretty amazed that I didn't just give up on the early hours and go back to bed. Haha. It was quite a test though..can't deny I spaced out here and there while chanting. Oops.

Maybe I should make this a weekly habit. Hmm. Plus, I love early mornings and having breakfast (without work), so this gives me a legitimate reason to force myself awake! =p

Breakfast was yummy! Love the cafe there haha. Ling totally conked out on the bed the moment we reached home..I think the coffee's working hard to keep my eyelids open. Then again, I don't usually sleep again after I wake up.

Meeting later in the afternoon..at the HQ again. Got about 3 more hours to kill from now till then. Such a lazy sunday morning! It's a good feeling though. =)

Think I should visit the library soon. Then I'll have books to curl up with during my slack weekends! Feel like going to the beach to cycle or something..weather today's pretty nice!

I think I'm blogging for the sake of blogging, cos' I have nothing to do now. Lol. So bored..but it beats having to work.

Okay this a really monotonous post. I'm just super proud of myself for waking up before the sunrise this morning! Haha.

Shall go read top gear magazine and marvel at all the ultra chio and powerful cars.

Jiayou to everyone whose exams start the coming week! Ganbatte-ne! =)

i scribbled at
10:36 AM

Can't believe it, but I actually knocked off from work today while the sky was still blue! Albeit a very dark shade of blue. Haha. And for once, I got stuck in the jam while taking the bus. Usually I take the bus so late that any jam would have cleared by then. Lol.

Started the day off nicely with breakfast gathering in office! 3 of us bought all types of food and assembled breakfast in the creative library..just nice there was a blackout in office, so we had a rather nice, long breakfast. =p Think we should do this every week! Perks up everyone's mood and makes a great start to the day!

Wanted to take a picture of the breakfast spread but I forgot. As usual. Lol. Anyhows, we had sooo much food that there was even enough leftovers for lunch!

The day passed kind of slowly after lunch..first time in quite awhile! The minutes and hours usually tick by so fast that before I know it, it's like past dinner time. And yippee, no work tomorrow! Going out with lings for a much needed haircut! Like at long last la..the ultra overdue trim I owe my cuii tresses.

I want coffee and toast and eggs for breakfast tomorrow! Let's hope neither of us oversleeps. Haha.

Potentially going to be another lazy weekend..but will start my sunday really early I think. First time in my life when I'm going to attempt going for morning gongkyo at the HQ. We shall see if I can successfully wake up. =p

And I'm catching up with my naruto again! After neglecting it for about..5mths? Strangely, I caught up with both the anime and manga pretty fast though. I wish they come out faster..and crap, next week got no manga! I don't want my favourite character to die, arghh. They just gotta keep us in suspense right..annoying to the max!

Okays getting really late and it's time for bed..though I'm still so awake la. Life now is back to feeling fairly good; loving my swinging-single bachelorette life, ever-hectic work schedule and impromptu dinner dates! I just need to find more programme for my weekends. Who's free, date me out please! Just make sure I curb my spending ya. Hahaha.

And I think I need to curb supper too. My weight's been piling like nobody's business, and I'm starting to look as chubby as I did right before entering ntu. Bleahh. I just need to maintain..maintain and maintain..less suppers, more exercise and..no eating after running. That's according to glenn. Haha. Who listens to what oprah says! Damn shocking can. Didn't know he's the type to watch oprah haha!

I'm hooked onto grey's anatomy! Just one episode and it got me reeled in. Going to find more and watch it from beginning!

And..I think I've finally cleared the cloud in my heart and mind, the fuzzy bits that were affecting my ability to think straight. I see now the path in front of me, what it is that I want and need, as opposed to what I thought was right for me. It would never have worked out, and I only wish I got to this conclusion much earlier. Could have saved myself alot of agony and confusion.

What will happen, happens. What isn't meant to be..leave it. Fate lies in your own hands, but the parts that you can't control, leave it to destiny and just live life to the fullest. Don't try to be someone you're not.

No regrets.

i scribbled at
1:44 AM

Today's photoshoot was great! More fun than yesterday, maybe cos' I clicked pretty well with some of the talents for today's session. Haha.

And there's this complete himbo who totally reminds me of someone I know. Even down to the looks! The resemblance and style of talking is pretty uncanny too..he was freaking hilarious can. And hiao to the max! I swear I've never met a guy as vain as him. Haha! He provided us with tons of laughter though. =p

Ended up having a cameo role in one of the shots too..luckily it's a completely blur image of me. Not dressed for the part and simply not prepared! I should have known I would have ended up having to take that shot. Ohwells.

Caught the movie Rec last night and..can't really say I regret watching it. Been quite awhile since I last caught a show. Only thing is, that was a horror movie and people who know me will know that I hate horror flicks. Haha. Don't know why I agreed to go and watch la!

It was horrific alright..not the typical japanese/thai/english kind of supernatural film, but a spanish film with terror arising from something ultra gruesome and potentially, very real. The scenes and images were so realistic that it wasn't until a later part of the show that I dispelled the notion of it being based on a true story.

Hate the bloodiness and gory parts! I kept refusing to watch with my eyes uncovered, and ended up spending a very tense hour and a half in the theatre. Eventually, my headache returned la. Haha. But to be fair..it was a pretty good horror film. Really kept me on the edge of my seat for nearly the entire time I was in there.

Still, it's not quite my cup of tea! Seeing as how I am so not a horror movie buff. I shall stop being so agreeable to movies from now on. Must check out the genre first. Haha. It didn't help that I had to spend the night alone in my tpy home after the late night movie. Goshh.

And so it's back to the office tomorrow..think I'm gonna have to catch up on loads of work and emails! Though shoots are more fun, I'm not going to miss the waking-up-early part though. Totally owing myself a sleep debt!

Okays I feel quite weird realising that it's only 8plus, and I'm home and blogging. Starting tomorrow, no more early days off from work!

Going out to meet lings for dinner! Her turn to end late when I end early. If only we can end at the same time. Early. =p

And yays it's midweek it's midweek! Thanks to the photoshoot, my week's passing pretty quickly and nicely so far. Hope it stays this way..and this sat isn't a workday!

Happiness! =)

i scribbled at
7:51 PM

Had my first taste of photoshoot today!

Not as the model la. Haha.

Boss informed me last night to take over at the shoot today..so off I went! And my freaking alarm didn't wake me up this morning la. Thank god I didn't oversleep ridiculously, though the shoot was well under way by the time I chiong-ed down in a cab. Goshh.

Hope the same thing doesn't happen tmr!! >_<

It's pretty fun watching the talents learn to pose and the funny things the photographer says to make them pose more naturally, smile more beautifully and so on. Haha. Just that I couldn't really stand the continuous camera flash. Developed a headache after awhile..better pack along panadol tomorrow.

Hope my office stuffs don't pile up so much that I'll be overloaded when I return to office on Thursday. Have things to follow up on, but not so urgent that I gotta skip photoshoot I guess.

The feeling of seeing the project start from nothing, to sketches being drawn and designs being proposed, until now, the photoshoot to bring those ideas to life..it's all so darn amazing! I can only imagine how fantastic the end product will be. Can't wait to see it come one full circle to fruition! Think I'm pretty lucky to get to experience all these. =)

Met up with 2 of my soka leaders last night, and for the 2nd time in the past few days, I heard the same three words from two different people.

Wisdom, courage, lifeforce.

I wonder how coincidental it was that things turned out this way? To have someone telling me that I lack the three abovementioned, and then to have my leader echo the same thing, telling me the importance of these three in life.

Perhaps I've been neglecting my faith for abit too long. Time to get my life back into rhythm.

i scribbled at
8:34 PM

I think something snapped in me that night. All other times something similar happened, I held back and ended up being the one giving in, cajoling and trying my darn hardest to make everything sunny again.

I'm not going to do that anymore. It's fucking tiring and I feel so disgusted with myself for trying to play up her good mood.

Why must it be me?

Enough of being the one to apologise for something that isn't my fault, enough of always being cast in the bad light. Enough of being on the receiving end of threats, of being blamed whenever her mood goes awry.

I really can't be bothered anymore. The tension now is so thick I think a blunt knife can cut through it. I don't know how long this is going to last, although on the surface, it seems as though everything is grudgingly back to normal.

Don't believe what your eyes see.

But somehow, no matter how hard I try not to care, inevitably, I find myself worrying at the back of my mind. Some corner which is constantly burdened.

I can't go out with friends for supper without checking my phone a million times, praying that it won't vibrate, yet at the same time, my mind constantly works to think of plausible reasons and excuses for the time.

And it's bloody not even considered late. Freak.

Sometimes I wonder if I should simply not go at all. Then I don't have to appear so distracted and moody. Totally takes the fun out of a gathering.

And I hate it when the rest have to plan around my curfew restrictions as well. Even though people say it's alright, they can't go back too late either; deep down, I know full well that the consequences of me going back late is something they likely won't experience.

It's so sad, but I'm starting to dread weekends. Especially now that I have no more tuition. Weekdays at work actually make me happier, despite the crazy workload and stress. Simply because it's a legitimate reason for me not to be at home. And if I work late, she can't say anything either.

Been trying to work late the past few nights but not able to do so cos' my colleague gotta lock up. Thank god lings dated me out after work..

I don't know how is my sunday going to pass mans. Shit la. Don't wanna spend time with her argh.

I hate this, I really do. Didn't expect things to come to this so fast and so soon. And I really don't intend to be as submissive and pacifying as before.

If daddy were around, he'd probably be upset at my decision; I'm sorry, but I really can't take it anymore.

At this rate, I'll go mad. Suddenly have this urge to find some reason to work overseas.

I want to turn back time so badly, it hurts like hell.

But what I'm going through now, is worse than hell.

i scribbled at
1:51 AM