Yes, I am home and blogging on a wednsday afternoon, all thanks to a bout of stomach flu. Puiii.

Took half day off yesterday cos' I was a walking zombie in office..things didn't get better so I went to the doc's last night. I hate it that my tummy's having a flu! =(

At least the medicine's working for now..headache and fever at bay, even if the gastric and aches are still bothersome.

And I suspect, that phonecall helped tooo. =)

Jt showed up at my doorstep yesterday with lunch and a variety of medicine. Hahaha. I was so overwhelmed when I actually put everything on the table and realised that I had a "first-aid kit" for pretty much any illness. Lol.

Thanks sweetie! You're the besttt! *huggs* =)

I think I can take a break from having to look after myself already. There are people around me who fuss over me and take care of all my needs lehh..geri is getting to be a pampered and lazy girl. Hahaha.

Feel quite sian having a restricted diet..there's only so much porridge a person can eat. =x Can't wait to recover and go on my food hunts again..

This week seems set to be really short though..MC today and half day yesterday..plus, no work this saturday! Happyyy!

Ahh..but my dayima is going to come soon..I can't believe that my mum actually told me this morning, you should hope that it comes today, then if it comes tomorrow or friday, you don't have to take another MC.

Wahlau! As if headache and gastric isn't enough, she wants me to suffer from severe cramps at the same time?! Seriously..if I have to take another day's MC, then so be it..I had gastric and cramps at the same time ONCE, and it almost killed me can..*shudder*

I just got a very random but super sweet text message out of nowhere. Haha. I likeee. Thanks honey. You really made my day. =)

Okays let's hope the stomach flu gets itself over and done with today..I can't imagine going to work tomorrow half dead again..

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1:49 PM

I have a million and one things on my mind now, and it's finally starting to numb my emotions.

The tears unleashed have quietened and I think I might be able to sleep tonight after all.

I think I understand a little now, why people "drown their sorrows" in alcohol. Probably because they're unable to accept the barrage of unwelcome emotions so the quickest and most painless way is to just drink everything away.

I still think that is damn stupid. I'm not about to start doing that just because I know the rationale behind it. Or rather, lack of.

Running away from the problem and the situation at hand..

Is that what we're doing now?..

I'm suddenly exhausted. Through no fault of anyone's. Tears have this way of draining away every last bit of my energy.

I'm still hopeful though. I don't care even if we're back to square one after that bloody long conversation; there has to be a way out somehow.

Cos' within every problem, lies the seed to its solution.

This post isn't meant to be depressing. It's supposed to clear the thoughts in my head when I see the words displayed clearly in front of my eyes.

For now, let's just leave things as they are..

Prioritise.

i scribbled at
11:28 PM

And it's friday again!! Actually jt was right when he said that time passes quite fast. Haha. I was still violently objecting cos' I thought it would feel like ages before the weekend comes again. And before I know it..saturday is a few hours away!

But siann, I gotta work. =(

NTUSB concert tomorrow night! Repertoire seems abit heavy, but I'm really looking forward to hearing them play and seeing familiar faces again after soooo long..I've lost track of who has left the band and who's still playing. Haha. Super out of touch with them since stepping down..

Just watched seven pounds, dvd courtesy of DC! I was going to buy it yesterday when he told me not to, cos' he has it at home. Haha. And he remembered to bring it to work for me today! Instead, I bought ponyo and 10 promises to my dog. It's so funny la, the auntie peddling dvds actually comes to our office every month with her discs in tow..and all of us will crowd around picking the flicks we want and testing the quality on our computers. Lol. Same thing happened yesterday! A nice break during working hours. =p

Seven pounds is a good watch really..at first I didn't quite get the storyline right at the start, and I was abit confused. But a little more into the show and the whole plot suddenly dawned on me..I was still wondering how it would end when I started to see the real, big picture. It's like a pretty sad ending..yet it's not a bad or tragic one. Like how everything comes full circle..sometimes, you gotta make some sacrifices in order to achieve other greater things.

I think I really enjoy watching movies with purposeful meaning and some sort of hidden moral to the story. I've kind of gotten past the stage where movies merely entertained me and gave me the laughs. Now, I'm more into flicks which actually draw upon my emotions and make me think about life as a whole. Am I getting old? Omgoshh I hope not! Hahaha.

Speaking of getting old, we've been listening to the radio all day long in office lately; yesterday it was 91.3, today it was class 95. And liza brought up this really good point while we were commenting that we liked almost all the songs on that channel. She said that last time when we were younger, we listened to channels like 98.7..and now, we've "graduated" to class 95. The kind of channel which would bore us in the past. Haha! Quite true lehh, now that I think about it. Though I still listen to basically any channel..I guess it's just a classic example of tastes changing as you grow older.

Alrights! Shall go stone a little while more before I go pick my mum up. Can't wait for tomorrow night!

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10:52 PM

Been having construction going on in my head all day, and all that pounding and throbbing totally sucks. Very unfortuntately, I can't find panadol anywhere at home..arghh.

And speaking of panadol, I'd just signed into msn upon reaching home just now when emmy started a conversation with me. I was pretty bemused, wondering what could possibly have led to her wanting to talk to me out of the blue.

Don't get me wrong; I don't dislike my dear ex-roomie or anything, it's just that we haven't been contacting very much since graduating; plus, she's somewhere halfway around the world right now in a wintry land.

And so! I'm damn power at digressing. Haha. She told me that I was just the person she was looking for at that moment, all because...

She was having horrible cramps. =x

So geri has become synonymous with cramps which kill every month. Am I supposed to feel flattered or insulted? Lol.

Hope your cramps are waaaay better emmy darling. =)

And speaking of cramps..mine are going to befall me reaaalllyyyy soon..next week I think. I really should make a trip to the plaza opposite my place to see if there's a clinic. I don't think I can survive one train ride to eunos and another 7mins walk to my usual clinic when the nightmare does hit. Ohwells.

Can't decide whether or not to take up a tuition assignment..apparently one of my ex-students was so impressed by my tuition "skills" that he highly recommended me to his friend. Whose anxious father called me up immediately and tried persuading me to take up the assignment.

This one, I'm really flattered, cos' I know for a fact that I'm not as great as that. Yet I don't wanna give up my sundays..not even for 2 hours each week. Really. I mean..tuition on a sunday would mean less sleep, high possibility of missing morning gongyo when I intend to go, no chances of hanging out on occasional sunday mornings with whoever..okay okay I'm making excuses. I'm just damn lazy and not very willing to commit 2 hours of my precious weekend to tuition..

But the money is damn good la. I'm pretty amazed they're willing to pay so much..the reason why I charged my ex-student higher was because he came to me so darn late..like a month before the 'o'-levels?

Haiya...to take or not to take, that is the question.

The head's killing me..baskett. But smart me went to do laundry, so I can't sleep yet. Sighh.

Ohh! Just recalled something really funny..I signed up for the suburban run with bern and jc, and I was telling BB and rina about it. Managed to psycho them to sign up also, and suddenly, half the company is running. Lol. Even our two bosses have decided to put on their running shoes..

"10km only la, no problem!"

I quote my boss. Hahaha. But it sounds like great fun..we machiam can form a team from SP! I'm quite excited..just need to start training. =p

Starting to jio my colleagues for stanchart marathon at the end of this year already..who knows, it might end up being some SP marathon again. Lol.

I really, really like the people I work with. The environment we make up. Not necessarily the workload itself, and I certainly do not like the crazy stress involved at times. But it seems that people do make a huge difference..starting to feel like I go out with the 2 girls more often than I see my close friends.

Which is true..and something which can't be helped. Unless I'm working with my bestie or something..haha. Aren't I lucky to have landed a job in such a nice company with really great colleagues and bosses? Those who, over this short period of time, have actually become my friends. =)

I think blogging is slightly therapeutic. My headache has lessened slightly! And I think that mini-fever is almost gone. Yays!

There's something which has been bothering me of late..I don't like thinking about it, but I just do. Don't plan on doing anything about it for the next few months though..shall see how things go la. I need an answer to my question..yet, I'm afraid of what that answer will be.

Please don't disappoint me..

Promises, once made, are meant to be kept. If you can't keep to your word, don't give it..

i scribbled at
10:52 PM

Decided that I have to blog, if not I won't be able to sleep tonight. Somehow, I just need to put my mind's thoughts down into words which I can see and read, so that I'll know how to come to terms with what I'm feeling. And to understand my heart and mind.

Discovered alot of things tonight which were unexpected. In some ways, I saw it coming..I knew that somehow, someday, I'd find out the truth. Strangely, I don't feel ultra impacted by it. Maybe time and experiences have conditioned me to become the person I am now.

If I had known these, say, five years ago, I probably wouldn't have been able to reconcile reality with my ideals. The contradiction of my life which I had no qualms about rejecting.

I spent the last hour plus asking myself, what and why. The entire drive home, I was paying attention more to my mind than the roads. Okay okay, this is testament to how no one should sit in my car when I'm overloaded with thoughts. Hahaha.

Came to the conclusion that I've matured and grown up throughout the years..I'm more accepting of whatever life throws at me now, and hardly anything surprises me anymore. The good side to it is that, whenever something bad happens, I automatically cushion myself within a wall. The bad thing is, I need some time to hack down that wall and back into my life.

I'm glad that I found out what I found out today. Really. And I have no regrets, nor am I upset. On the contrary, my mind is a blank. Haha..

I've been too sheltered all my life, and it doesn't help that I'm surrounded by people who are not very different from me. When something different pops up, it does take some getting used to. But I'd like to think that I adapt fairly well. Lol.

Thankyouu for choosing to be honest and sharing with me what you couldn't share with others..it meant alot to hear those words coming from you, to know that you meant every single one of them. You don't have to feel bad for anything, cos' you did nothing wrong. So don't be sorry k, silly boy..

Only time will tell us everything we want to know. For me..I've learnt that some things simply can't have deadlines set in advance; it's a step-by-step process. Whatever it is, I'm willing to undergo any process with you, be it up or down, happy or sad. Just like how I know you'll do anything (well, almost =p) for me tooo.

And randomly..bliss is when the person you're thinking of calls right at that moment to tell you he misses you.

You really made my day.

I love you, my life's biggest "contradiction". =)

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1:14 AM

Was reading 8Days earlier when I saw this article featuring zoe tay. Something she said really struck a chord in me..and I guess it startled me a little because of how true it is, and how I don't usually admit that I'm like that tooo.

She mentioned that she can be very independent on her own, but she needs alot of love..I seriously think I'd use the exact same phrase to describe myself la. Still remember that my ex used to think I was a very independent girl, so he didn't bother to do alot of things for me..like offering to send me home, etc. Simply because he said that "you can take care of yourself what. You don't need people to take care of you."

That is so not true can! I mean, I can go home myself, I don't always need to be sent. Like, hello, I think I know the way to my house. But it's the thought that counts..just offering sincerely won't kill, right? Apparently it did for him..

I've been very loved and pampered since young actually..even until now. To the point that I guess I took it for granted. While I relished the freedom I had in hall, the independence from living away from home woke me a little to reality. Not that I couldn't cope; on the contrary, I coped very well with campus life.

But I guess it was daddy's departure that really shattered my life. Suddenly, I was lacking the kind of unspoken love that I'd basked in since the day I was born. My mum still fusses over me, but it's different..

Anyways..that article kinda made me think about the person I am, both in a relationship and out of one. I do admit that I am independent..I don't like to trouble others with things that I can do myself. Even when the other party offers to do something for me, more often than not, I'll decline because I don't want to feel indebted. Even for the smallest offers.

But because of this habit of mine..after awhile, I realised that people just stop offering simply because my automatic reaction is to politely reject. Which also leads them to think that I am perfectly fine and happy on my own.

Not that it's wrong..but while I love my independence, I need alot of attention and love too. That much I'm slowly starting to come to terms with..sometimes I just wanna bask in the love and affection from people around me, to accept their offers of whatever, without having to worry that I'm inconveniencing them.

Maybe it's the chinese culture, I don't know. Haha. I guess the bottomline is, I want to learn to take without having to feel bad, because I know that I will definitely give the same, if not more.

I don't really want to continue being one of those who always says that everything is okay even when it's not, who forces a smile when my heart is crying inside..who wants to say yes and accept but instead, says no.

Haiya this is soooo hard.

I should start by stopping myself from saying "it's okay" all the time.

But for those around me who can tell that I'm not okay even when I say that I am...thankyouu for caring. It really means alot to me because you are the ones who really know me inside out. =)

And honestly..I don't give many people the chance to know the real me. I don't even know myself sometimes..I'm just too multi-faceted.

A day of overwhelming thoughts and philosophy indeed..

i scribbled at
10:03 PM

I love breakfast on sundays especially!

Went tiong bahru market after not having visited that place in a million gazillion years..haha. Totally overwhelmed by the variety of food available! And of all the things to eat after going all the way there...I opted for nonya zhang. Dots. Hahaha.

Nevermind the food, it's the company that matters more. Thanks sweetie for waking up for breakfast! =D

Caught slumdog millionaire and I really think it's a show worth watching in the theatres. Watching the slums of mumbai unfold before my eyes really reminded me of the dumpsite in cambodia..the mountains of rubbish, the never ceasing flies buzzing continuously and the overall scene of poverty..it's really very heart-wrenching. For a few moments in the comfort of my seat, I was transported back to my ocip days..the dumpsite was truly an eye-opener and somehow, I'm glad that I had the chance to experience firsthand what kind of life the kids were living there.

Okay that's such a hugeee deviation. From movie to reality. Haha. But really, the movie acutely captured the essence of life in poverty, the rags-to-rajah dream which so many will never manage to grasp in their lives.

Before this movie was out in theatres, I thought it was a tad too unrealistic. What with winning 20 million rupees on a gameshow that I've watched a local version of before. But the way the story unfolds, it really becomes believable.

And at the heart of the story..so very true that it's only when one experiences the difficulties in life, find things out the hard way, undergo immense suffering and loss, that you really do learn and remember. I mean, what can you possibly learn much about life and its hardships by living a life of luxury, free from any sufferings? Your environment does shape the person you become..although the same environment can shape different people differently.

And honestly, I do prefer slumdog to benjamin button. Non-withstanding that I watched button at a really late timeslot on a day when I was quite tiredd, the plot behind slumdog is much more heartwarming and true to life.

Wanna catch the wrestler too! Seems that lately I'm going more for movies with a storyline, a moral at the end of it with lessons to learn and things to appreciate in life. Movies can really put your life in perspective.

I feel so philosophical all of a sudden. Haha. All over one movie! Seldom do I find movies which impact me hours after I leave the theatre.

And come tomorrow, monday arrives again..the week seems to pass quickly, but it's the weekends which fly by quickest while weekdays crawl at different speeds. I just pray for the end of the day to come fast fastt everyday. Hahaha. But I think I'm lucky, really. I don't dread going to work; I just wish I didn't have certain kinds of stress to face in the office. Whether from bosses, colleagues, clients or just projects. But that's being unrealistic. Haha.

Deadlines and more deadlines...maybe I still haven't fully transitioned from the life of a student to the life of a working adult.Hasn't been a year yet, just almost. I do wonder sometimes, am I too flippant for my own good, too playful for the kind of responsible adult I should be, and simply being unrealistic?..

Wake me up to reeaal life if you know I am okay..but sometimes I feel that time passes by so quickly; before you know it, you're another year older, have more responsibilities to undertake..I still want to be the little girl I always was.

This has been an extremely long and not very sensical post, but nevermind that. Haha. I think my thoughts are a little jumbled.

Okays dinner time! I shall look forward to the week ahead and welcome it with open arms. Then everything will seem better with the sun shining brightly in my sky. =)

Your words never fail to touch me..thankyouu for everything. Loveyou darling! =)

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5:54 PM

Today was an ultra eventful day can! Hahaha.

Went shan's place for a baking session..our first attempt at baking cheesecake! At the end of it all...I still can't really decide if we were successful or not. Lol.

Wanted to double the recipe, but we ended up with a little too much cheese, butter and sugar..and not enough shortbread. But that's not the most "interesting" part..

Was supposed to use a food processor to mix the cake base properly; after all the ingredients went into the blender, it just wouldn't work! So out came everything again and we just anyhow mixed. =p

And then! Came to the cheesecake mixture..the most important part of the entire recipe..I mean, without it, make what cheesecake?! Haha.

I think we might have overloaded her mixer a weeee bit..it started throwing tantrums very soon and before we knew it, it started smoking. Seriously, if my phone was next to me, I would have dialled 995. Haha!

Shan and I were completely flabbergasted..it was quite funny. Lol. And so, we started an arm-training session by working our muscles to the max..manually mixing the cheese mixture!

Cheese is not like water can, not just a simple stir-and-mix kind of method. She was telling me, last week I trained by leg muscles by climbing up 60 stories; today I trained my arm muscles by baking mixing cheesecake. Lol.

Okay la, so we tried to coax her mixer to work again..it helped us out with the sugar before it decided to give up on us once more. Thank goodness the bulk of the work was done by then..and super heng that her oven didn't decide to go on strike as well. Haha.

I don't even want to go into what happened after the cheesecakes were baked. That's another "nightmare" in itself. Of concave cheesecakes, bases separated from the cake, and tofu-looking dessert. =p

I'm pretty happy with the cheesecake I decorated though! Even if it doesn't seem very edible. Haha. Nevermind, look nice for awhile can liao. Lol.

Was late cos' of all the unexpected things going wrong, and so my personal "chauffeur" picked me up for dinner! Thanks sweetie for going the longggg way to ulu ulu woodlands! You seriously saved me a very tedious trip. Hahaha.

And me loves the gorgeous flowers! So pink and pretty! And I'm really damn gan dong by the gift..no guy has ever gone to such lengths before, really. Thankyouuu! *huggs* =)

Really darling, if you were a girl (which you are already so much like =p), I think you could become my second bestie. Lol.

Am sooo gonna maximise my sunday before it's back to work again! Busy busy weeks ahead..sighh. But life is starting to get more colourful, especially with the girls in office. The 3 of us are seriously one noisy marketplace everytime we're together! But I likee. =p

Sometimes, there can be heaven on earth after all. =)

i scribbled at
1:28 AM

And the weekend's finally here again! No work tomorrow, happiness can!! =D

I just got quite overwhelmed by my facebook. HAHA. Been getting questioned and squealed at and bombarded on fb/msn/sms. It's quite funny actually..I didn't expect to generate such reactions by changing my status. Lol.

I'm still getting used to it..and seriously, I think I make a damn lousy gf haha! Cos' I keep bullying him and poor JT is always at my beck and call. Right? =p

But the boyfriend was totally asking for it when he told me he'll save me if niu niu and I fall into the water at the same time, for the simple fact that his doggie can swim and I can't.

But niu niu is really cutee! So we decided to compromise and find a way to save us both. Lol.

Okay la that was damn rubbish, but I just thought it was quite entertaining. Especially when you talk about such rubbish during a sian day at work. Haha.

Totally lost all mood to work after coming back from the meeting today, cos' I was so excited that the weekend's here! Working saturdays depress me actually. Haha. Even if I don't seem unhappy muchh..

Did dinner with the girls from work and BB's bro-in-law! It was a super funny dinner session la..I think he will never come out with us again! =p Dinner was pretty good even if the service was far from fantastic. Pity that kbox on a friday is so ex..we were damn gian to go and sing!!

I want to ktvv....someone with safra card please book the 10dollar ktv club!! Lamu!! =p

I can't believe I'm hungry again after that buffet just now. I swear something is wrong with me la. It's either I eat like thousands of meals in a day, or I don't eat at all. Eeks.

Okay I seriously lack sleep. Feel the need to crash soon although I don't have to wake up so early tomorrow..effects of lost sleep are starting to show in the form of breakouts..miserable! =(

Love story is on repeat on my songlist..I'm totally addicted to this song! Love it love it! And it's a song with a nice, fairytale ending. =)

All I want is an ending akin to fairytales..and happily ever afters. =)

i scribbled at
1:38 AM

We were both young when I first saw you
I close my eyes
And the flashback starts
I'm standing there
On a balcony of summer air

See the lights,
See the party, the ball gowns
I see you make your way through the crowd
You say hello
Little did I know

That you were Romeo you were throwing pebbles
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
And I was crying on the staircase
Begging you please don't go, and I said:

Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story baby just say yes

So I sneak out to the garden to see you
We keep quiet cause we're dead if they knew
So close your eyes
Escape this town for a little while

Cause you were Romeo I was a scarlet letter
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
But you were everything to me
I was begging you please don't go and I said:

Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story baby just say yes

Romeo save me, they try to tell me how to feel
This love is difficult, but it's real,
Don't be afraid
We'll make it out of this mess
It's a love story baby just say yes, oh,

I got tired of waiting
Wondering if you were ever coming around
My faith in you was fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town I said:

Romeo save me I've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head, I don't know what to think
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring

And said:

Marry me Juliet you'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know
I talked to your dad go pick out a white dress
It's a love story baby just say yes

Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Cause we were both young when I first saw you

I like love. =)

You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess.

i scribbled at
2:31 AM

Am waiting for my hair to dry as usual before hitting the sack..

Got back late after catching red cliff II with bern and the guys. Expected it to end later so it was nice reaching home before 1am! Rina still told me today that I can expect to watch till 12.30am..I wanted to faint when I heard that. Lol.

Thought it was a pretty good movie actually, but I think the guys didn't like it. Haha. And the obvious difference in opinion is due to the fact that they know the real history while I don't. Which is why to me, the flick has fulfilled its main purpose: to entertain and keep you enthralled while watching. I mean, really. If it's going to follow history exactly, it would be called a documentary already right? Either that or you just read the books.

Quite alot of action and some funny parts..and being the typical me, everytime I watch movies related to war, I don't like the way people are sacrificed so needlessly just to fight for honour and whatever else. Guess I just don't like the way humans' lives are demeaned to a premature end in a violent way. Probably also the reason why I've never really been a fan of those war and military flicks with plenty of bloodshed and violence.

I'm a peace-loving girl can. Lol.

Yay it's midweek! 2 more days of work and it's the weekend! Can't wait mans..it's almost scary the way I look forward to the weekends so eagerly. Goshh.

Celebrated ed's bday in office yesterday with the usual yummilicious cake (choc truffle this time!) and his favourite pandan cake! Yes, the ever-humble pandan sponge cake. It's like his all-time favourite can..we were so tickled pink when everyone thought that he wouldn't be getting a pandan cake. And then the next moment, boss appeared in the room and passed one whole cake to him. Lol.

Also got my belated bday gift from my bosses! They are so damn nice can..they got me a bag from mango! Nice lehh the design..something different from my usual! It's nice to have a female boss who loves shopping. =p

I think I'm getting old already...arghh. Gone are the days when I can just stay up like practically the whole night, sleep a couple of hours and be totally refreshed the next morning. Now, I can't sleep less than 6 hours without wanting to K.O. every now and then. This sucks!! Whatever happened to all the late nights!

Sometimes sleeping feels like such a waste of time, yet I can't survive without it. Haha. I just wish my body can work on about 4 hours of sleep. Then I have more time to do my own things after a long day of work!

And speaking of sleeping, I'm getting tiredd..the exhaustion is starting to kick in and I hope I haven't been typing rubbish the last few lines. Need to crash already...

zzzz.

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1:47 AM

National vertical marathon yesterday and I survived the 60-storey climb! Happiness can! We all did a fantastic job! Love the 5 of us climbers haha!

No mama, a voluptuous lorry.

What kind of cock-sai team name is that laa! That's what happens when you ask everyone to contribute a random word and you string it into a name. Bestt. Thanks for your contribution lehh jeff. =p

Considering I didn't train for it and only ran minimally..quite amazed that we completed it under our estimated half an hour! I think we took like 20mins? Bern and I la. The guys were faster obviously. Haha.

Really a test of mental strength..seeing nothing but over a hundred flight of stairs and just taking each step, one at a time..gruelling, I admit, but the feeling of reaching the top is shiokness!! And bern and I didn't have to pull each other up. Haha. That girl best, could even delete photos from her camera while we were climbing at the beginning. Lol.

And strangely, I'm not aching leh. Hahaha. We went for yummy dinner in town after that, and the bff and I shopped till our wallets dropped! Mine dropped more. Hahaha. We bought something really cute, I likee! =D

Due to a mix-up and some crappy attitudes, we didn't get to catch red cliff II..think we should be watching the late movie on wed though. Don't think I'll be going back to patronise lido for a long, long time. Bleahh.

Some really ridiculous things happened last night, courtesy of a very exhausted and confused yours truly. But everything worked out fine in the end..although it caused us both quite abit of heartache. And a lack of sleep. Oops.

Today was simply bliss though. =)

Loves. =)

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1:14 AM

Last night was wonderful..but I don't know if I did the right thing after that.

Trying to find the answer to my insecurities, because I don't want to find things out the hard way eventually, if ever at all.

Maybe I ruined things with what I said..it kind of hit me after waking up this morning. That's what you get when you try to address an issue while almost half asleep.

Sighh.

I'm sorry.

i scribbled at
10:39 AM

Work today didn't feel like work at all!

I was quite tiredd in the morning so I lugged coffee to office..haha. Today was damn happening, I was showing the girls this webby where I frequently check out clothes from, and there were super nice pieces up for purchase!

Then we frantically went to the ATM machine opposite to make payment before chiong-ing back to post our orders. Lol. Fun lehh! I really hope we get our clothes! Haha.

I almost fell out of my chair when BB saw the dress I bought and said can wear to work lehh! Rina and I were, like, huh?! It's so darn short can! And BB asked why not..so I thought maybe she meant that I can wear on days like saturdays, or when I definitely don't have to meet clients.

Skarlie she said that even if I'm meeting clients, I can still wear. Just pull over a cardi or a shawl and I'm all set to go. Whoaa if that's really the case, then I seriously have no more wardrobe restrictions leh! It's like all those tube tops and short dresses and whatnot..everything can wear to work! She's the senior there and my direct senior too, so I have no reason not to believe her right? =p

But while I'm sorely tempted..I shall just reserve those for working saturdays. Lol. Still don't find it very wise to wear my dressy and SHORT outfits to work. Lol.

Wanted to go shopping with rina after work, but instead, we hit upon the brilliant idea to go BB's house for lunch. Haha. Damn happening there! Her mum cooked like super alot of food (which were ultra nice by the way) and she had all her relatives over.. =D Lunch was yummy!

And us girls are planning to sign up for aerobics dance classes together! Once a week after work..we spent the whole morning in office looking for classes with vacancies and trying to decide what to take up la. Lol. And the 2 of them registered for the suburban run too! So we're all going to run together! Yippeee!

Wahlau I sound damn freaking hyper laa. Haha. But I love the feeling of having so many activities and whatnot! It's nice to have colleagues who are totally the same pattern as you and who get along really well with you too. Considering I see them more than I see anyone else..lol.

Yays got so many things to look forward to! =)

Can't wait for dinner and movie later! I thought of taking a nap first, but I'm just too excited to sleep. Haha.

And another happy thing! My appointment got postponed, so I have no more vday date with the hospital!! It's a sooner or later thing, but this one I'd rather later than sooner. =p

Okay now I just need to while my time away...lalala...

=)

i scribbled at
5:39 PM

Sometimes I wonder, am I too hyper for my own good? Overly active and crappy that I'm hard to keep up with..maybe I should tone down...

But then that wouldn't be me anymore..

Anyhows, past few days have been good, nonwithstanding work stress.

More belated birthday celebrations and surprises, and a mutual understanding which I can only describe as..magical?

Suddenly tiredd. I don't want to work tomorrow..this client makes me sighh and wanna cry.

Goodnights.

i scribbled at
2:01 AM

I actually typed a whole chunk of entry, only to delete everything because I think someone may not actually feel comfortable with me declaring my thoughts and feelings to the whole wide world. Or in this case, the world wide web. =p

Something happened earlier that's made me think quite a fair bit, even though it's really late now and I have to get to work much earlier tomorrow. I guess that's what sparked the inspiration for this entry.

For the first time in over a year, I actually feel my cynicism slowly melting away. The wall which I've cooped myself within, gradually coming apart.

I've decided to stop worrying about sad endings that may never happen, to stop troubling over unhappiness I want to avoid, and to retract from expectations which I shouldn't be holding on to.

I don't know why you came into my life, but I'm glad you did. This is what we call fate, right? =)

And I'm starting to believe in fairytale endings again.

Thankyouu JT. *huggs*

i scribbled at
12:43 AM

I was posting some "random 25 things about me" note on facebook that brought me down memory lane. I actually recalled certain things and events all the way back to primary school. Haha. Those were the days man..of freedom, innocence, simple happiness and pure laughter.

Sometimes I really wonder what it is that I've been doing all my life. And what am I actually living towards. I don't have some fervent goal or dream of being something big, like the president or what..all I want is a simple life with the essentials, and the people I love around me.

I think I used to be more ambitious..until I found out my strengths and weaknesses, what I'm capable of, how vulnerable I can actually be..then I decided against being a bigshot businesswoman.

Life is so unpredictable; will hankering after status and position and wealth really make me happy?

I don't think so..

Just remembered my vday morning date with the hospital. Maybe that's why I'm suddenly feeling apprehensive. So fast and it's 6 months gone again..even lost track of whether my coming checkup involves blood test or not. Everytime the nurse draws a tube full of blood from me, I'm reminded of how daddy had to endure all that, and more. Haii.

And I bloody well hate the checkup can..it always makes me cry against my will. Baskett.

I hate hospitals. Especially that one.

And I hate the feeling of waiting and wondering if they're going to call me a week later and give me some bad news. Arghh. Damn torturous.

Lucky thing mummy's going to be out of town..I never like telling her that I have the checkup to go for. Then she'll just be restless the entire day and keep asking me if everything's okay. >_<

Sometimes I wonder..if I can look into the future and see what's going to happen, and I find out that the same illness is going to strike me..what will I do? It's like a part of me thinks it might happen, but another part of me just wants to ignore the possibility and live life to the fullest.

Maybe I live life a little recklessly to some people. A huge contrast to the way I was brought up. But sometimes when you think again, what's the point in being so careful with life until you don't enjoy what you like? I don't want to die tomorrow and regret not having lived life the way I wanted.

This is a gloomy post. I realised that everytime my checkup nears, my blog entries become very...siann. Eeks.

Must quit this habit already..

Midweek tomorrow, but this saturday's a working sat. Responsibilities are getting heavier and the stress level is increasing exponentially..

*breathe geri breathe*

Feel myself falling..and it ain't a nice feeling.

i scribbled at
11:39 PM

Thought I'd squeeze in abit of blogging before getting started on work proper! Sounds wrong lehh..it's like almost midnight and I'm only just going to start doing the work I brought home. =x

Went running with nick after work! My super nice senior picked me up from home and we went bedok reservoir to run..did about 4km and my conclusion is that I am waaaay unfit for sunday's vertical marathon.

Helpp!! >_<

Okay la..I'm not tiredd from the run, but still...what's 4km compared to 60 floors? Shucks man..nick told me, this is what happens when you do something before thinking. Thanks ar. Hahaha.

And I seriously need to find some way to stop stitches permanently. They're always the reason why I don't run well! =(

Hope I have time to run everyday this week! Yippee! And I discovered that bedok reservoir is a really nicee place...pretty! =)

Shit mans, all the late nights the past week are giving me breakouts! Together with that time of the month..arghh! At least now I don't have to stick to all things hot and milo only! 2 weeks of dietary freedom before the same restrictions are going to set in again...baskett.

I think I should go play basketball; baskett is like my all-time new favourite word now. Hahaha.

Brought nick to try the bedok bak chor mee! I can't believe he never knew that place existed..and he's been an eastie for like the longest time can! Tsk tsk..loved dinner, though it completely reversed the effects of running. =x

I don't want to start on my mountain of workk...over 50 pages of a wordy book to vet..sighh..and just now, BB told me not to make it a habit to stay late at work. Even if there's a pile of things to do, bring it home! I wonder which is better really. I don't like to stay late either, but having to bring work home sucks to the max lehh.

But if I don't, I think I'll have to sleepover in office. =(

Ehh shit I haven't ironed my clothes for tmr!! Arghhh..and I have a meeting at my cousin's company in the afternoon! Small world or not..haha. Wonder if I'll get to see him!

Okays it's off to ironing first, then getting started on my 50+ pages..and a nightmare load of work again tomorrow morning..and it's only just monday...omg omg...

*stay sane stay sane stay saneeeee*

Thanks for making my day "maria"! =p

i scribbled at
11:52 PM

I know I should be sleeping already, seeing as how I have work tomorrow and I slept so little last night..but thought I'd just blog the night's events since my hair is still drying!

Treated the entire extended family to dinner and lo hei just now at some zhi char place that we always go to..and it was far far cheaper than I expected! I went with a couple of hundreds in my wallet, and ended up paying less than half of my estimated amount! Quite amazing..haha. Seeing as how it's the cny period and today's the 7th day too..meaning it's ren ri! So happy birthday everyone! =D

Had a sudden urge to go for a stroll after dinner and so JT accompanied me..thankyouu for bringing your doggie out for me! I seriously didn't know that was a long walk for her. Lol. And she's so darn cutee! I think I'm starting to love strolls with a dog. And the dog's owner. =p So can we please bring her out next time to walk walk? Hahaha.

Today was really wonderful, in more ways than one. Sentosa flowers was abit disappointing, but the company more than made up for it. =)

Suddenly work doesn't seem so bad anymore..like I was saying, as long as I'm out of office and not doing work, that's break time! Shall just work hard in the day and enjoy my nights and weekends! =D

And you make me happy, really. Thankyouu. =)

i scribbled at
1:01 AM

Last night was damn rubbish to the max la! I'm almost too embarrassed to blog about it. =x

Met the girls for steamboat at shan's place! And as usual, we forgot to bring oranges. Hahaha. The funniest part was when ekoh and I were trying to call lamu and get her to bring before she came, and shan's mother overheard us. I think she didn't know what on earth we were trying to buy, until shan told her that we wanted oranges. And she promptly kept offering us those in her house, telling us not to buy cos' she had alot.

Funny can!! Imagine taking the oranges and then giving back to her mum: "Auntie gong xi fa cai!".

>_<

Anyways! That orange saga was just the usual thing almost every year...hahaha. I like how we are always so forgetful actually. Makes CNY a very interesting affair. =p

And the girls surprised bern and I with yummy cake and gifts! Okay, so the gifts were what we expected cos' we pretty much told each other to tell the rest what we wanted. Lol. And the darlings made us vouchers! It's damn cute la! I have vouchers for things like unlimited hugs and company and unlimited unglam photography shots (courtesy of zhen, who else =p), etc etc.

Thanks dearies! Really loveeee you all to bits and pieces and more! Huggs! =D

And I was like "shopping" in shan's house because she was trying to clear their u-phorique stock. Lol. Ended up with a new bag and skirt! Power right, go and eat one steamboat and celebrate birthday also can end up shopping. I like this notion, really. =p Just that this shopping place abit faaar...woodlands lehh!

And speaking of which, that was where mine and ekoh's nightmare started. Hahaha.

Was supposed to send her back to tpy from woodlands before going home myself..sounds damn freaking straightforward right?

Riiigghhttt.

So straightforward until I literally travelled in a line from woodlands to pasir ris. *faints*

That was an extremely long expressway, I swear.

And to think that my initial problem was getting from shan's place to the expressway. Thought that after I hit it, shouldn't be a prob..I ended up having not much problem getting to the highway, but then everything that could go wrong, went wrong after that.

And you know what? I'm still not very sure which is the turn that I missed. Haha!

Our journey home thus consisted of travelling from ulu woodlands to elias park..where I ended up making a circle and we found ourselves at elias again. Ekoh was starting to get the shivers..she said it was like some haunted house thingy where you can't seem to find your way out. Lol.

Eventually, I just whacked it and followed my gut feeling. Which led us through small roads and thank goodness, finally the PIE!

Heyy I spent the last 20 over years of my life living next to the PIE, it can't be helped that that's the only expressway I'm familiar with. Haha. And let me emphasise, I'm mostly familiar with PIE from tpy to the east side only. =p

Called for help when we were lost in pasir ris, but my help was equally lost over the phone. Haha! Okays not your fault. I'm a lousy navigator. =p

Poor eileen had to suffer alongside me though. Haha. At least now I know how to get back from elias..though I'm sure the route I took was a long one. Lol. I don't think eileen will be wanting to sit in my car anytime soon again. =D

Of all times, I had to pick last night to "familiarise" myself with the singapore roads. =p

Going to the sentosa flowers later! Hope the weather will be fine..it looks abit cloudy from here. The last time I went 2 years ago, it rained la..dampened the atmosphere somewhat. I wonder what kind of memories will resurface when I go there later..that day 2 years ago is still firmly etched in my memories. Ohwells..like I keep telling myself, don't live in the past.

But easier said than done lehh..

Alrights! Hope I don't get lost later. Why doesn't PIE lead to sentosa and backk. Haha. As what JT calls me, I'm Ms PIE already. =p

And I found out something last night which he says spoils the element of surprise. Well too bad for you! Lol.

Fate has a funny way of bringing something into your life at times. I've been through the worst, and also what I thought was fairly good. Shall just wait and see where this one falls under.. =)

i scribbled at
10:19 AM