I think I've been blogging too much the past week that I'm facing a block now. Haha.

And speaking of a week, I have only slightly more than a day of my break left! Why does time pass to freaking fastt..come monday, it'll be the blues all over again. =(

I am so gonna need things and events and people to perk me up mans..trying very hard not to remind myself that the next holiday's in april. =(

On a happier note, my probation will finally end in march! Hope my evaluation will be good..and I can finally take leave after that! Yippeee!

Just finished doing my photoshoot schedule and I'm damn tiredd from it. Counted and re-counted the shots cos' my numbers just didn't seem to tally. It's gonna be a hellish week of shoots once work resumes..I packed the shots so tightly that there's hardly breathing space.

My boss is so gonna kill me. Sighh. But it's either get killed by the boss for doing up such a tight schedule, or get killed by the client for using up more days than they budget for. Either way, I die. Right?

Bleahh.

Caught bride wars that day and it was not bad! Although I'd rather die than fight with my bff like that on our wedding day. Hahaha. Imagine me trying to give her an orange tan while she tries to turn my hair a hideous colour..omgoshh nightmare to the max!

Bern please go and watch that movie and learn NOT to do the same thing. Whatever happens, we will NOT get married on the same day okays! =p

Steamboat with the darlings later, but I'm so sad that not everyone can make it! Sighh. I bet there will be a mountain of food as usual..and shan you better lock your cats up or I'm going home. Hahaha.

And to my self-proclaimed ultimate number 1 fan, here I am blogging because you asked me to update can. Haha. Happy studying okays! Really can't stand how hardworking you are. Lucky I'm outta school already. Lol. And thankyouu for being so sweet! Looks like the "be nice" thingy really worked. =p

I want my zhenzhu tau huey!

i scribbled at
3:32 PM

I was just reading the papers earlier when I saw this article talking about happiness. The writer described happiness as an "elusive" thing, a "fleeting, hit-and-run kind" of sensation. Something you grab hold of when it's within your reach, knowing full well that you will lose your hold on it soon.

Is that really true?

To be honest, I've never thought of happiness in that way before..something temporary and "fleeting" which you will lose any moment.

Rather, I've always felt that happiness comes from knowing that certain things, events and people bring you joy. Can't it be a permanent thing? Like knowing the family and friends around me love me; isn't that pretty much permanent? It's not as though my mum loves me today and not tomorrow. That would be scary. Haha.

Then again..it's true that the definition of happiness differs from person to person. To some people, material wealth makes them happy; to others, it's the intangible things in life which matter most.

I won't deny that material wealth makes me happy; getting angbaos for CNY and presents for my birthday make me feel good. Who wouldn't like these? It's human nature to have wants, unless you are so far removed from the material world that none of these actually move you to a little bit of joy at all.

But there's also the intangible aspects of life which, I feel, bring greater happiness to me than money ever could. Even if I had all the money in the world, I wouldn't be truly happy without the people I have in my life now, the memories I hold dear, and the events I look forward to.

It really is very simple I think..happiness is not by chance, but by choice. And for me, choices don't necessarily mean only grabbing elusive occurrences to feel happy; I'd prefer to see it as being happy in the face of difficulties and challenges, because whether I choose to be happy or upset, those obstacles aren't going to disappear. So why not face up to them with a smile?

Hapiness isn't fleeting to me. It's whether or not I want it to stay.

And happiness is..

Knowing I have a family who's always there for me, rain or shine. A mum who pampers me till I get annoyed sometimes, a sister who makes me laugh to no end, a daddy whose memories I hold very dear.

Having friends who have been my pillar of support in times of need, who soar alongside me in times of joy, and who are just simply..there.

Having people who celebrate my birthday for me every year without fail..when I know some people don't get to celebrate at all.

Taking in the beauty of my surroundings and stopping to smell the flowers!

That sense of gratefulness when I'm uber stressed at work and my colleagues help me out in whatever ways they can..

Having the CNY week off because I have really nice bosses =)

Going shopping! And being hiao! =p

Taking a walk by the beach and feeling the wind blowing my hair into a huge mess.. =p

Baking!

Living in a little red dot on the map where everywhere is easily accessible, so I can visit my daddy whenever I want =)

Having late-night suppers and impromptu gatherings with my kakis!

Making things for people I care about and buying items which they likee. =)

Slacking in the passenger's seat of the car while looking up at the gorgeous, cloud-filled sky..

Having something to look forward to after a long day at work, be it a simple dinner out or a movie to catch..

Being able to run, walk, jump, play and shout all I want! To smell the lovely flowers, listen to the birds chirping merrily, look up at the blue blue sky and fluffy white clouds, enjoy good food which I love, hug the people I adore!

Sunsets, star-filled skies and rainbows!

Having someone you miss come back home..

But I guess most importantly, happiness is living life to the fullest. =)

i scribbled at
1:29 PM

Happy birthday to me!! =D

And today was nothing short of wonderful. =)

Was late meeting lings, but she kept me waiting even longer..and for a very good reason too. Got my first surprise of the day when she appeared in front of me with pretty pretty balloons! And one of them saying "Happy Birthday Princess"! I like love!! =))

Then she brought me to this very attas tea place near raffles hotel..me loved the ambience and food and everything! A tad expensive though..but really nicee! My cousin knows me best..hahaha. Thanks favourite coussie!!

Had a not-so-nice time after that when my dayima decided to drop by for a surprise visit..thank goodness I brought along my panadol. Popped those and tried to lun the afternoon..heng I had lings around to distract me from the pain. And I guess, like what my sister said, it's probably some birthday luck which allowed me to tolerate the cramps today. =)

Ended up shopping the whole time, though strangely, I didn't buy a single thing at all la. Haha. So unbelievable! And there were sales everywhere too...must have been the cramps. Drank so much hot milo that I think I've had enough to last me the week. =p

Dinner at soup restaurant with lings, gerald kor, mum and cheryl! I love the food there! The only place where I'll eat ginger. Lol. And I just realised that it's the second year in a row I'm celebrating my birthday there. Haha. Last year it was with bern and the guys from hall..the very first time I tried the food there. =D

Was abit sian and tiredd by the time we were leaving, cos' the cramps returned..popped my second dose of panadol during dinner time, but not ultra effective. Got another pleasant surprise the moment I reached home though..think I missed the delivery guy by just a minute or so. Haha.

Thankyouu for the gorgeous bouquet! I love it! Really didn't expect it..was still wondering what you were referring to that day. So now I know. Haha.

And indeed I lost the bet..just as you predicted. Smart you la huh..owe you one! =p

Rounded off the day's celebrations with my official cake-cutting with the family! Up at the rooftop too..with the twinkling stars shining above. It was damn hilarious watching them trying to light the candles in the strong wind and singing the birthday song really quickly so that the candles wouldn't go off before I blew them out. Lol.

Cramps are back again, but I'll just try to tolerate the night. Hopefully they'll go away by tomorrow..the day's events are helping to dilute the pain somewhat though.

Really loved today! Thankyouu everyone for the tons of birthday wishes and all! =)

I'm just glad that you're backk. And thanks for being such a sweetie! =)

i scribbled at
12:45 AM

I got my birthday song!! Wheee~!! =D

Totally caught me by surprise cos' I was expecting it to be belated..like tomorrow after midnight? Or should I say, today. Haha.

Thanks for the long-distance birthday song! Love it!! =)

So that is the secret is it..I'm still very confused. And I guess I did lose the bet after all, cos' I texted you after your call. Hahaha. Shucks man..you were right!

But no complaints there. I've happily lost. Lol.

And thanks to all the darlings who texted/msned me birthday wishes! Love you all to bits!

Love my start to turning 23. Let's hope it'll be a great year ahead. =)

i scribbled at
1:20 AM

I hate having tummy upsets. =(

i scribbled at
12:56 PM

This is by far the quietest CNY yet..not counting last year's, for obvious reasons.

Ever had the feeling whereby you're surrounded by people, yet you feel most alone?

That feeling sucks. Really.

Started the day by going to the temple to pay respects to daddy and grandma..on hindsight, I should have insisted we did the same for ah gong, ah ma and aunt..but mum wouldn't have been happy.

In the end, we still had a row in the car over directions. Sighh. I was so mad that I almost wanted to cry at the wheel. The irony of the situation was, in the past, almost every new year would be somehow ruined by something she wasn't happy with. And usually, daddy suffered the brunt of it, especially if it had to do with driving.

Seems like although he's no longer around, some things simply don't change. It becomes my turn instead.

For a second there, I wanted to just tell her to sell the freaking car and refuse to drive anymore. That's what she's always been threatening me with anyway. Heck la, sell the damn thing and I won't ever have to drive her around. I think I might gladly trade my driver's license for that someday.

Like what lings said to me before, it's either I drive extremely carefully with her around (which I already bloody well do), or I don't drive her at all (which is not an option to her).

Siann.

Had steamboat for lunch again, then it's been me, myself and I in my own little world since then. Read a book, dozed off and woke up to my text message tone.

On an impulse, I took out my last gift to daddy and flipped through the album. Maybe I shouldn't have done that..the tears fell like a dam that broke loose. The most tangible, physical memories I have left are photographs really..since that day, I've been so afraid of one day forgetting how he looked like, the places we went together, the things we did together..every now and then I just have the urge to refresh those memories so that I will never forget.

It's a scary thing, the human mind. You never know what will happen. Imagine if one day in the future I get stricken with amnesia or dementia or something that makes me forget..I think I'd rather die than live without my memories of him.

Such a sad post on a day when almost everyone else is celebrating. But I'm just not in the mood to have fun. Don't know how tomorrow will pass; I just want wednesday to quickly come.

And hope that my dayima won't kill me when it comes too. All I'm looking forward to now are the plans that lings has arranged for on my birthday..love her to bits. Thanks favourite coussie for planning my bday and going to celebrate it with me.. =)

And of course, wednesday night when the 秘密 will finally be revealed and someone will be back! I honestly don't know how things will turn out eventually after you're back, but somehow I'm rather hopeful. It's the kind of feeling that I haven't really been able to feel since all my hopes were dashed in a single day.

Regardless of what may happen..whether everything will turn out as expected or otherwise..I still think I lucked out to have met you. Thanks for having been everything sweet and nice and even annoying at times. Haha. =)

Tiredd.

i scribbled at
6:21 PM

Someone just told me to be a guai cinderella and be home before midnight on wednesday. So secretive can!! Not as though he's touching down before 12 and can sing me my birthday song lor...hahaha.

So annoying! I'm like so near yet so far from the secret. Bleahh. And whether unknowingly or not, he keeps dropping these tantalising hints but refuses to tell me the big picture. Something like a surprise but not really one, yet I don't know what exactly is it.

Irritating to the max lehh!! Hahaha. You're going to get it when you come back.

And I won't lose the bet okays! Puii. Lol. =p

Just realised I've been blogging about a million times a day omgoshh. I guess this is what happens when you're bored. Haha. Still didn't manage to get anything even though I went shopping a short while..absolutely nothing caught my eye!

Don't like last minute shopping. =(

Nevermind..at least I still have a dress I can fall back on for cny..haha. After that dress then..I'll find something else. =p

Quite happy that you dropped in that 1,000won (or is it 2,000?) so we could yak for awhile! I was getting really sian at home. Haha. Timely chat. =p

Ohh! Bought a new nail colour and I'm itching to try it out! But most probably tomorrow..don't wanna stink up my room with the smell of the polish and end up inhaling all those fumes while sleeping. =x

And I vacuumed the car inside out! Cleaned out the car mats and vacuumed all the crap that's been lying in there for ages...eeks. Haha. Feels damn good! Car wash tomorrow in time for CNY! =D

On a more nagging note..my dayima still hasn't arrived! Shucks man. I was so sure I'd get it before CNY eve and all and spare myself from all the pain and crap during CNY. Arghhh. How I wish the cramps will just stay away for this month especially..I've already been an ultra good girl by staying away from all things cold and liang lor! Just doesn't ever work. Haii.

Alrights time to enter lalaland!

i scribbled at
1:18 AM

Slept till a glorious 10am this morning and am feeling super nuaaa now! Too nua to even walk out for lunch. Feels good to have my saturday off after the working my ass off the last two!

I just realised how ironic it is that waking up at 10am now is like tan dio for me lehh. When in the past, I could sleep waaay past lunchh.

This is what happens when the weekends and holidays are too precious to waste! And yet, here I am wasting my day away doing absolutely nothing.

But absolutely nothing is a form of enjoyment tooo. Smack me alrightt. =D

A late night text message got me smiling like a silly goose. Not exactly from halfway around the world, but still far enough! The best things are those that are unexpected. =))

It's a little scary the way I react. Or rather, the way I don't actually think. The supposedly rational geri has her irrational moments too. When the braincells just go on strike and refuse to work like they ought to.

Okays I think I really need to head out for lunch now. Can't believe I can actually feel too lazy to eat!

And the weather is horrendously hot! My new neighbour just came over and told us that the june heat is going to be unbearable.

='(

I want to take back allll my complaints about the cold and windy last few weeks! Give me back temperatures of 30deg and below please!

4 days!!

i scribbled at
12:11 PM

Yay! The start of my nine days holiday! =)))

Really rushed like mad during work today..so muchh to do but so little time to complete! Ended up lugging files of documents home to work on..and spammed my personal email account with work-related stuffs. =x

That photoshoot schedule is going to take me hell lotta days to complete mans..just thinking about it gives me a headache. Haha.

At any rate..I can slowly and methodically work on it during CNY..probably going to be really free with nothing much to do anyways. Then again, the thing about photoshoot schedules is that once you sit in front of the computer and start planning, you'll most likely be stuck there the next 6 hours at least. >_<

Alrighty..enough of work! I'm super lucky that I have the entire CNY week off already..my poor boss is going to continue working well into next saturday sia. So much for company shutdown.

And I can't imagine whatever possessed me to sign up for the national vertical marathon la! I once told myself I'll never join that kind of vertical crap..*smacks forehead*

I hate climbing stairs can!!

Bern and I are sooo gonna end up having to pull each other up 60 storeys. Or rather, she will have to yank me up step by step. And the stress is there cos' it's a team thingy! Crap la the 3 guys are totally gonna kill us for ruining the team timing. Hahaha.

Omgoshh did I say 60 storeys?! *faints*

And it's in, like, 2 freaking weeks!!

Have I mentioned just how unfit and out of shape I am? I haven't been jogging regularly for quite awhile la! Ohh shitt. =(

And now, I don't even have stairs to practice on. Unless I run up and down the 4 levels at home many many many times in a day. Can die lehh. Haha.

Shall see how la. Use the coming week to run everyday and find some staircase to run up and down. Hate stairs!! I must have gone mental when i told bff and jc to count me in. Lol.

Hopefully I get to strike off that item on my "wants" list in the next column. =p

Am thinking if I should create a wishlist for my birthday. Haha. But then again..I can't think of anything I want lehh. I can think of places I want to go and things I wanna do though..who's going to offer to help me make those wishes come true? =D

Aiyah heck..who's even going to be free to accompany me on my birthday. Baskett. Haha.

I don't want the next few days to pass so fastt cos' I wanna savour the long-awaited and much-needed break; yet at the same time, I want the next 5 days to quickly pass. Hurry up already!

Full of contradictions. Bleah.

Haiya the birthday girl still hasn't come home yet..any later and it'll be belated cake-cutting already! Quite surprised that mummy didn't suggest we celebrate together this year though. Usually the sister and I merge our bday celebrations. Haha.

I am so boredd. And I haven't gone to chinatown this CNY yet! Find it quite hard to believe..guess I'm too used to having daddy drive us there every year that I never thought I'd have to do it another way..without him. Ohwells.

Think I shall pay my dearest daddy a visit soon..pity his niche is so high, if I want to sit there, I have to sit on a ladder can. =x

Miss you daddy..

On a sidenote..it's another day down. 5 days and counting. =)

And why are you not a freaking singtel user?! Puii. Haha.

i scribbled at
10:56 PM

I'm just totally waiting for tomorrow to come and most importantly, GO!

Then it'll be start of a glorious NINE days of break! Whoop-dee-doooo!

Got a super huge and important presentation happening in office tomorrow..though it's not my project, I can feel my bosses radiating their levels of stress. What with majors and colonels and don't know who else coming in, I can only imagine the pressure..hope we win the project! *prays prays prays* =)

Envisioning a humongous pile of work tomorrow, but I guess some things can't be helped when you're going on a long break after. Trying to psycho myself that it's all worth it! Let's hope I can lun through tomorrow successfully and come out of it sane. =x

Just caught love matters and while it isn't an ultra fantastic movie that makes me gush over it, I think it has its strong points..look beyond all the jokes and sexual references and there actually is a pretty decent storyline. I sum it all up with one word:

cherish.

Guess it hits home the innate differences between guys and girls, how karma really comes one full round, how important it is to cherish the people around you and of course, how love matters. Haha.

Was blog-surfing and suddenly it kind of occurred to me just how tough it is to actually maintain a LDR. The realisation really came from ps' blog entry actually..don't let the distance weaken your resolve okays my dear! You will ride it through with him. =)

But really..easier said that done. I'm not the one in a LDR now; who am I to make such flippant comments? I used to think that it just takes an extraordinarily huge amount of mutual trust and understanding to build the foundation of a LDR. Now, I think it's really far more than just that. Beyond the physical distance..what you really gotta overcome are your inner obstacles.

Have never been in a LDR, though at some point in time, I've experienced more or less how it feels like. But at least there are forms of communication..like msn/skype/phone etc.

Now, I find myself in a strangely similar situation, just that I have no msn/skype/phone. This sucks! I'm just counting down the days actually. Time seems to be crawling can. Haha. Only been one dayyy..6 more days!

I feel like a timer. >_<

Bet you'll somehow be happy to know that I'm counting down the days la. And let me guess...so are you right. =p

28th. Midnight. Belated, but can I have a birthday song please? I'll make sure you read this. Hahaha.

Miss ya. Simple as that. =)

i scribbled at
12:06 AM

Just got back from a late dinner! Nick was so sweet, he bought me dinner to celebrate my bday in advance! Haha. And I even have oreo cheesecake and lots of yummy, colourful macaroons! =))

It was ultra fun just crapping and talking rubbish..he's just the one senior whom I never run out of topics with, whether nonsensical or philosophical. Lol. Thankyouu for the night! To think I used to be intimidated by you. =p

Went to changi village and it was so near the airport..really a case of so near, yet so far. If I had driven, I might have contemplated stopping by there. But it would have been a little strange. Haha.

What's stranger is how I'm missing you even though you've left for only an hour. Probably somewhere among the dark skies now. Don't think you will see this (unless you have internet there), but have fun all the same! Take many many peektures okay..I want to see! If I can't go there, at the very least, I have photos to marvel at. =D

That phonecall was really short, sweet and to the point. Haha. Happy though!

7 more days. =)

i scribbled at
11:48 PM

Before I start my longgg blog essay....

Happy Birthday my dearest BFF a.k.a bern! =)

Also my IMH partner! A huge-ass money-making secret which only both of us know. =p I'll catch up to you in 8 days' time, then together we can groan over turning yet another year older! Lol.

Okays! Now to start blogging proper haha. Wanted to blog on sunday night but was too tiredd after reaching home, and last night I was just too lazy. Hee..so here goes!

Spent my sunday evening night with the onions! Actually, it ended up being more like a marist-ny-tj gathering. Lol. Mun pun wanted to blade and made me super gian to try, and so I did! I even have photos to prove it! Can't say I'm a natural at blading, but at least I managed to blade the length of the learners' corner a couple of times in that hour. =D

Heng for me there was this old uncle who was blading there too..and he was dishing out free advice to whoever needed it! And so, I learnt how to roll in 4 steps..walk walk lean close! Probably doesn't make much sense to those of you reading, but I'm praying I don't forget this mantra. Haha. He also taught me how to stop, but that's only gonna come in handy when I perfect the rolling..hmm.

Excuse to try out blading again! Maybe I should really invest in a pair of blades and guards and whatnot...and ask nick to go ecp with me! He's the only blading shen I know of. Lol.

After that we had steamboat dinner! Okay la, the food wasn't that fantastic and there was this mystery black substance that pooled on the table from somewhere in the hotpot; altogether now, euwwwww! But it was pretty cheap! It just smells better than it tastes. =p

And there was a surprise in store for bern and I after dinner! The guys went to buy cake and celebrated our bday for us by the beach! So sweet of them la. Haha. Seeing 5 guys trying to light sparklers formed into words, but not really succeeding, was a mix of hilarity and genuine happiness at their efforts. =) In the end we both got nice cakes! Chocolate brownie and cheesecake..yumms! Even had those party string thingy lor..mun pun spraying it mercilessly at us reminded me totally of the cake fiasco in cambodia. Haha!

And we got really cute cards too! Which play the happy birthday song. Damn adorable la..hahaha. All in all, it was really a surprise..considering that I'm not very easy to surprise.

No wonder when I asked mun pun earlier in the day if I should get a cake and celebrate bern's bday, he told me not to. Lol. Really didn't see it coming! =p

And so, that's my first bday celebration of the year! Don't know if I'll have anymore besides the ones with family and most prob my ij darlings, but it's a nice feeling to have. =) Thanks for everything guys! Really capped a wonderful end to the week for me..and a great start to turning 23!

And then..let's see..today was the first CNY celebration! In office. Haha. MJ's flying back to jakarta tomorrow, so we celebrated together first. Went to orchard with ed and glenn to pick up the food and yusheng; wahlau orchard was freaking crowded can! It was madness! Today's only a tuesday leh..so strange la. While walking in takashimaya to the thai restaurant, I was reminded of my carefree days in school when I could just shop in orchard anytime I liked in the day. Now...bleahh.

Ohh! The thai restaurant looks really nice! It's fine dining sia...power. Haha. The yusheng even more power..almost 90 buckeroos! I swear I've never eaten such expensive yusheng before can..but it's really nice! Something a little different..sweet and sour and spicy. And I mean really spicyyy.

And so..tuesday's almost over! Tomorrow will be the midweek, then thursday and friday and then...long holiday!! Happiness! I C A N N O T W A I T!! =)))

Ahh..need to go pick my mum up already..sian. I hate driving to geylang. Bleahh. Alrighty..ciao~!

i scribbled at
8:44 PM

Before I go to sleep, thought I'd post the results of a quiz I did! Got the link off shan's blog..quite interesting. Hahaha.

Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you. (Really? Let me think about it and see if it's true..haha.)

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true. (That's true. Haha. I'm quite a die-hard romantic! Lol.)

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person. (Is that why I fall in and out of love so easily...meaning my judgement sucks la. HAHA.)

The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with? (Omgoshh zhun boh!! Me flirt?? If that's the case, where the hell are the admirers?! =p)

Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can. (Yes la..student life is the best, seriously. I want to go back to school!!)

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life. (Haha I'm not very sure about the practical part..but I totally agree with the 2nd sentence. Must like what I do!)

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous. (I shall attempt to be a businesswoman then. Lol.)

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel. (Yeah true..I hate not being in control. It scares me not knowing what's gonna happen.)

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long. (This is probably the most accurate statement yet. Haha.)

i scribbled at
1:17 AM

I don't wanna work tomorrow!!!....

=(

But on a happier note, we have breakfast in office tmr! Us girls are going to combine our breakfast finds and tuck into good food again! Yays. I love the girls in office! And it's going to be sushi dinner next monday (hopefully we don't end up working too late) and chinatown outing soon!

Can't wait to go bb's house for cny and see rina's darling baby girl too! She's absolutely cute to the maxx! =D

Maybe work won't be so bad after all. If I keep reminding myself about the things to look forward to with the colleagues. Haha.

Am getting stressed out over the word "navigation" and "feature stories", and my mind is still a blank! Arghh heck, tomorrow go office then sit down and think harder. >_<

Went shopping with mummy just now and she got me a pretty handphone chain! From paris bijoux! I've been eyeing the bling blings from that brand for a darn long time now. Haha. Not cheap sia! One handphone chain can be priced at near fifty freaking buckeroos. But ultra gorgeous!

Happy happy happy! =)

Got to eat my soup spoon too..but too full! Strange leh..it's the same as I always order..nowadays can't seem to eat as much as last time already. Although the weight's piling on like nobody's business. Maybe it's really true that the less you eat, the more you put on! Haha.

And crap la, the bff just mentioned pearl beancurd on msn. I want my zhenzhu dou hua! That craving never seems to be able to be satisfied somehow. Lol. I just told the girls we should call ourselves the zhenzhu dou hua gang. Hahaha.

Aiyah shucks..I just realised that my dayima is going to come soon..means someday next week I might end up on mc again. Bleahh. The usual monthly mc. Totally wasting medical leave and money!

And shit! Now that I've moved to kembangan, I need to take a train down one stop just to see the doctor?! I swear I will collapse in pain even before I reach la. Jialat...must find some way around this...

So sick and tired of this monthly business of cramping till I wanna die. When's it going to go away for ever....sighh.

I want to go out this weekend but no one seems free lehh. Not counting the gathering with the cam'onions..date me out please!

Wahlau I sound so despo to get out and just go...out. Haha.

Don't wanna blog already, I'm like just blogging for the sake of doing it.

Shall get back to my msn chat with the darlings! =)

i scribbled at
12:02 AM

It's really funny having 2 entrances to my room, cos' it's like playing hide-and-seek sometimes. I heard my mum's voice outside so I went out by the main door to look for her, while she walked along the veranda outside to find me using the other entrance. Hahaha.

Finally done moving every single thing from my tpy house! Or rather, no longer ours.. =(

But the new owners got us super pissed off and hot under the collar la. They promised to give us another day or 2 after last sunday, for us to pack everything and clear up the house. Many owners give up to 2 weeks lor. Seeing as how the house was officially theirs on Monday afternoon, we even decided to move everything in the day by tuesday so as to avoid using any electricity at night. And so we surrendered all but one set of keys.

Baskett, they broke their promise! Monday afternoon saw mummy telling me that they were going to change the locks that evening. I still thought maybe we had the night to move everything out completely. Couldn't leave work early, so by the time cheryl and I were there, it was after 8pm.

And what greeted us after coming out of the lift were boxes and cartons and our belongings lining the narrow corridor, with my mum frantically trying to arrange the stuffs. Plus, our really kind-hearted neighbours were busy helping her.

What about the new owners? Came with another 3 people, removed all our things in a flurry and before we knew it, they locked the door and were gone. Wtf?!

We were totally flabbergasted, my neighbours included. All were muttering how come they were so mean, made it look as if the 3 of us were chased out from the house. Damn ugly scene can! They didn't even bother to lift a finger to help lor. Wahlau. And there we were, 3 women left to fend for ourselves. The bloody new owners had strapping guys in their group can!!

Super ultra annoyed la. Shouldn't have been so nice and left furniture for them. They kept asking if this one can give free, that one can give free. Damn cheapo lehh! The couple's combined income exceeds ten freaking thousand hello. I donate to charity or throw away also don't wanna give them! Freak.

Not as if they were moving in straightaway lor. They aren't even going to move in! Just do up the house later then rent it out. Pissifying to the max!

Aiyah heck la. Can't be bothered about them already. Don't ever let me see them again mans..I shudder to think that the lady owner's alma mater are exactly the same as mine. CHIJ and tjc. Ohmygoshh. *faints* Really throw the schools' face to have such alumni. Puii.

Okays ranted enough. Haha. Feels better to have it allll outta my system. Am just looking forward to next week ending, then it's the start of a long break! My nice bosses are giving us all the CNY week off! Not even forced leave..it's official company break! Happiness or what? =D

Had the urge to fly to somewhere, maybe cambodia, during that week-long holiday..but the confirmation came abit late, no more cheap cheap air tickets by the time I checked. =( Nvm..I'm not about to complain that I have nowhere to go. It still beats having to go to work!

Plus, I get to spend my bday whatever way I like! Though I suspect I'll just be spending it at home..no one else is free. >_<

I've been suddenly missing school a whole lot recently, no idea why..maybe it's knowing that schooling friends around me have all started school again not long ago. Been reminiscing about those days in ntu..oversleeping for early morning lessons, stoning in lectures, drawing on my notes..the adrenaline rush whenever I had a presentation (which was extremely often), despairing over grades that seemed set at rock-bottom..the super fun lunches and dinners with friends, supper gatherings at ah fang's, yakking late into the night in hall with bern..going for midnight runs, climbing the neverending slopes in ntu, enjoying the twilight as I walked back to hall from evening classes..so many, many memories. Too many to even list a percentage out.

I miss them all. =(

Sometimes I wish I took a 4 year course..then I'd still be studying now instead of melding into the stressful workforce here in singapore.

Student life is still the best.

i scribbled at
9:08 PM

I am so exhausted that I could just sleep for a day and not get up. *zzz*

Unfortunately, I don't have that luxury..thought I'd blog a little since my hair's drying.

Was hoping that all the moving would end today and cap an entire week of madness! Should have prayed harder..the bulk of the furniture and stuffs have been moved away, but there's still a spectacular mess to clear up.

Why why why!! I'm so shagged that the thought of going back there to clear again tomorrow after work is simply too daunting to fathom. =(

The initial part wasn't that bad cos' cheryl and I were having some fun zi-high-ing and camwhoring away. First time moving house in 21 years lehh! Imagine that crazy amount of stuffs! I am so gonna put the photos up on my fb. Haha.

Talking about moving is boring and old topic already. I just wanna get it over and done with!

Missing my tpy home already. =(

Anyways! Steamboat gathering last night was nothing short of hilarious. Haha. Seems like there will always be some highlight of such gatherings..and yesterday's was the mala pang sai zua! =p Not forgetting, discovering that jeff actually has a penchant for eating spicy toilet rolls. Haha! Pity not everyone could join..but it was fun nonetheless.

And I discovered the reason why kelvin looked so freaking familiar to me all this while! And vice versa. Hahaha. Turns out that he was in tjcsb first 3 months too! No wonder la..all that time we were practicing for SYF with celebration and other pieces, and we never actually knew each other's existence. Lol.

The best part is, it appears that I was right in thinking that I seem to have seen him in some photo taken together before. WASBE in 2003! TJ and NY band pple took a combined photo. Haha.

Yay finally one mystery solved! I hate the feeling of thinking that I know something/someone from somewhere, but I don't know where. It's that annoying, nagging feeling where you just can't recall. =p

I think my brain cells are shutting down at an exponential rate..I don't really know what I'm typing anymore, and my eyelids are fighting a losing battle to stay open.

Still got a meeting to attend at shenton area early tomorrow morning...arghh. Means less sleep for geri. =(

Okays nights world!

i scribbled at
12:26 AM

Ridiculously late now and I have work tmr, but only just showered not long and my hair is far from dry..

Packing the house has really activated muscles which I never knew existed. In other words, I'm aching like I just ran a marathon.

Okay, maybe not that bad. Seeing as how I've never tried running anything near a marathon before. Haha.

Just came down from the rooftop, and it took my breath away.

I did say before that I don't think I ever want to own a landed property in this lifetime (and probably won't be able to), but the rooftop kind of swayed my supposedly firm decision.

Sitting on the lounge chair, staring into the distance and gazing up at the vast expanse of night sky..I wonder why didn't I try going up there earlier. It's my first time up there since moving in, and the experience is nothing short of amazing.

Pity the sky is so cloudy tonight..or I might be able to see my starlit night sky! Even just stepping out of my room on the 1st level, the orion constellation is right above me. What more up at the rooftop? =)

And I suspect that I can catch the sunrise and sunset up there too..maybe not in their full brilliance, but still decent enough in a city land like singapore. Happiness. =)

And ohh! Happiness is when you end work before the sun sets! Make that double happiness when you reach home before the sun sets. Haha. I was so happy to zao early today that I actually captured a shot of the evening sky at 6.35pm as I was leaving office. Lol.

Not that I left early to attend some happening event..the most happening thing in my life now is packing the house for moving on sunday. Tireddddd! Don't know how many nights in a row I've done this..

And damn it, I got my first summon today la! Baskett! What more at my own house carpark..okay fine, so I no longer have season parking there. But I put coupon!

One half-hour coupon. Haha.

Should have expected that it would happen sooner or later..20 freaking buckeroos leh! Shucks man. I can't be placing my entire booklet of coupons in the car just because I'm shifting house right. Engaging movers is already expensive enough!

I am sooo going to appeal against that fine. Refuse to pay 20 bucks!

Regardless of whether it's my fault or not. Bleahh.

Quite lucky that this week not as hectic as usual..if not, no way I'd be able to leave before 8pm and chiong home to pack.

I think next week's going to be horrific though..all the new projects coming my way and clients starting to get on my nerves. Pui.

Can't wait for cny! Heard that maybe we'll get a week off, just like our suppliers. Ultimate happiness can! Hope my other boss agrees! And pray super duper hard that our clients don't demand for things during the cny week. *pray pray pray pray pray!* =D

Feel like leaving the country during that week if my holiday break really materialises..but abit last minute notice, and don't think I have friends who can just take sudden leave to go travelling for a few days.

Have this urge to go cambodia suddenly..I really wanna just visit that beautiful place again, immerse myself in the different lifestyle there, visit the darling students I've missed and properly tour angkor wat. And of course, shop in siem reap!

I don't know why am I so drawn to that country when so many people who have holidayed there before would rather not go again. Maybe it's because the very first time I went there on OCIP trip, the experience was out of this world. And it literally took me out of my comfort zone, the place I've called home all my life.

Surprisingly, I liked it. Alot. Took some getting used to, but if I could have a getaway like that maybe once a year, I'd like to think that I'll learn to cherish and appreciate what it is that I have here in my life in singapore.

Of course, I guess a huge part of that unforgettable experience were the people I went with as a team..the bonds forged..the joy..the tears..and the special friendships with the cambodians. =)

I really, really want to go back there again. Whether OCIP or otherwise.

Feel better today, maybe cos' the weekend's here. Although I have to work, and I'm going to spend both days moving, at least I have the gathering tomorrow to look forward to! Hope I get to go..see how packing progresses.

And each day that passes is countdown to cny! No matter how quiet and different it's going to be, it's still cny after all..a huge event to all chinese. A huge event in my life I've come to love and enjoy.

I shall do the same this time round. And somehow still hope that I get to go travelling. Anyone free? Haha.

Happiness is not by chance, but by choice. Remember, geri...remember.

i scribbled at
1:52 AM

How do you spell exhausted?

g-e-r-i.

*collapses on bed*

Packing the house is a crazy chore. I swear it's almost inhuman. Then again, not everyone's house is karang guni land like mine is.

How to move on sunday!! I'm getting seriously desperate here. I wish I could just magically teleport everything to where they're supposed to be. Or teleport all the rubbish to the incinerator.

Helppp... =(

And I'm getting so many cuts and bruises, thanks to the whole lot of mess in the place I call home. Not to mention, dozing off at work cos' I'm just too tired to focus. Worst thing is, the pantry ran out of coffee!

First time when the popularity of coffee actually rises higher than that of milo. We're usually out of milo first. Haha.

I thought I had a huge mountain of stuffs after being in existence the last 22 years. But apparently my personal items amounted to less than 10 boxes. I think it's pretty decent actually.

Wait till you see my parents' things. I could faint a hundred times over!

Looks like daddy was as much a supporter of karang guni habits as mummy is. I don't know what to do with his things; throw them or keep?? It's like mount everest number two. Arghh.

Ehh shucks la I've been blogging about nothing but moving the past few days. My life this week has been non-existent! It's been a cyclic routine of waking up, going for work, rushing off asap and going to tpy to pack. Then sleep. And the same pattern repeats again the next day.

Geri needs a life. Badly. Date me out next week please. Before I rot away to nothingness. =(

And I don't know whether I'm looking forward to CNY or not. Granted, I want the holiday break for sure..plus it's my birthday week too..but..CNY isn't going to be the same anymore.

Not our own house, so can't even invite friends over to bai nian. So many unhappy events in the extended family, I don't think they're going to celebrate CNY either.

No more counting down with the whole family in front of the telly, no more midnight trips to flower nurseries, which I've been accustomed to since I could walk. No more dressing up early on chu yi morning to go bai nian. No more searching for breakfast places after the first house visit and ending up at macdonald's. No more slacking at our own home and eating goodies while watching funny flicks. No more family steamboat dinner..no more daddy.

Nothing's the same anymore. I miss how my CNY used to be; no matter how unexciting, at least I would feel family warmth and the full meaning behind reunion dinners.

I almost wish for the times when daddy and mummy would debate over whose extended family's house to go to for reunion dinner first. No idea why both sides always clashed on the same day, same time, every year without fail. I used to be so annoyed and wished they would stop being ridiculous. Now, I want those nonsensical arguments back again.

Maybe I don't want CNY to come so quickly after all..

And there's a place I want to go to on 28th.

It will probably be a quiet birthday after all..after my 21st, birthdays are never the same again.

I want to stop growing at 21.

Don't want to be so emo, but I'm too tired to fight it back. The past few months, I've been doing a fairly decent job of getting life back on track, reducing the barrage of tears which used to form without warning, and simply trying to be happy again. And I did, actually. There was a period of time when I was truly happy once more.

Feels like I'm slipping back to the darker days, where tears ruled my world and I would live in the past.

That longing is so strong, it's eating me up inside. There's this void that I can't fill, but I know I have to.

This isn't making any sense and I'm hating the feeling of being lost. Directionless and not knowing what to do next.

I've lost my life's compass, and now I'm losing myself to the past.

Snap out of it geri.

i scribbled at
1:08 AM

Have I mentioned how I really dislike moving house?

It was bad enough having to shift hall every year for the 3 years I was in ntu. And now, after shifting stuff to my aunt's eunos home, and from there, shifting to their new house at kembangan, I'm stuck with clearing the entire tpy house from top to bottom.

And allll of these have to go by sunday. Madness can!!

To think that barely a month ago, my tpy home was so neat and welcoming. Now, I can't walk half a metre without stepping on something or getting stuck on scotch tape or hitting some carton box.

Arghhh.

Really hate the packing and moving and unpacking process!! =(

Wonder if we're ever going to finish packing by sunday. And of all saturdays, this week's my working saturday. Sucks.

I think my mum's quite amazing. She's packing the bulk of the house actually, seeing as how I work till late everyday. Damn tiring having to chiong down to pack late into the night after a whole day of work. Bleahh.

Yet, it's also during this frenzied moving process that led me to many discoveries. Digging up old, forgotten items which have lain in some hidden corner of my room for a really long time; the excitement over finding stuffs which I thought I'd lost ages ago; most poignant, however, are the little things about daddy which I found among his belongings.

The way he itemised his things which showed the kind of organized person he used to be; the stacks of handmade cards and gifts from us over the years, all lovingly kept in good condition; the pile of personal details right from our birth times down to every single report card and test grade...the pretty, shiny stars stickers we'd get for doing well in school..

I don't know what I felt more; happiness at discovering all these treasures, or heartache at knowing that I can't share these with him and enjoy a good laugh over funny things and memories.

I guess it's really a case of bittersweetness.

And every single item from him, I find it so hard to throw into the beckoning dustbin. But that's what moving is all about, getting rid of things you no longer need. Sometimes, sentimental value just outweighs everything else. No matter how useless the item, you just can't let it anywhere near the rubbish heap.

My sister put it very aptly, that next time when we really move into our own new house, we'd probably have to set aside a room for daddy to put his mountain of files and whatnot. The way she said it, for that split second, it was as though he's really still around. I almost smiled.

I wonder how packing and moving would be like with him around. Probably 80% of the things at home would end up incinerated somehow. Haha. With mummy around, however, it's like karang guni land.

Mans I miss daddy so much I keep thinking of the past. Especially lately..maybe cos' his death anni was just a couple of days back. And all these moving of things..

I don't know if I want to go to the sentosa flowers this year. I know the girls, especially zhen, want to go and capture the pretty florals and enjoy a good time together, but that place just brings back too many memories.

The first, and maybe last, time going to the sentosa flowers with daddy..taking the luge and the skyride together. I thought that would be the first of many more of the same event, together. Seems as though it was just yesterday..that day was pure bliss. I just never expected my world to crumble so soon after that day.

Okays I'm totally not helping myself here by dredging memories which should have started healing by now. Yet, I don't know how to put it but sometimes, you just have this urge to sink into those memories and wallow in them a little longer, savouring and holding on so tightly to feelings and happiness of once upon a time. I haven't really learnt to let go, it seems. Maybe I'm lying, I haven't really been trying.

Or maybe it's because I don't want to.

Self denial never gets a person far.

My best excuse is, wallow in those feelings and learn how it feels like, so that the next time the same emotion washes over me, I'll know how to deal with it.

I just hope I'm not lying to myself.

This kind of pain, is worse than any physical pain ever. The kind which feels as though it will never heal..and when it eventually does, you panic and worry about losing your hold over memories so dear to you.

The irony of healing.

i scribbled at
12:31 AM

Finally back online and able to blog again! Okay okay so I got my internet connection back now that I've moved to the new house a couple of days ago..I was just lazy to blog then. Haha.

So many, many happenings the last 2 weeks or so that I don't even know where to start from! Took tons and tons of peektures and have been spamming my facebook with lots of photo albums. Lol.

Let's see..ling's wedding was absolutely magical! She was totally gorgeous! We all were la. Hahaha. Really a night to remember..also an extremely tiring day which started before the sun rose and ended not long before the next day's sunrise. Lol. Seeing such a beautiful fairytale wedding makes me feel like getting hitched tooo. Haha.

And I loved xmas this last year! I am too lazy to blog about details so I shall just cut short everything. No inspiration to write long essays. Good for people who find my blog a bore. Haha. Anyway! Photos on my facebook can tell the whole story! =)

31st december was a bittersweet day..events from a year ago replayed non-stop while I tried to forget the pain. Kind of managed to..thanks to my darling ij girls who took my mind off the sad memories with our countdown gathering. =)

One year has passed by in a flash; seems as though it only happened yesterday. And here I am, in the 2nd new year without you by my side. Miss you daddy.

Looks like I really summarised everything so much so that I might as well not have mentioned anything at all. Haha. At any rate..I'm already feeling the monday blues which will definitely hit me tomorrow..the past few weeks have been glorious, what with xmas and new year hols in between, not forgetting my unpaid leave for the wedding etc. Work has been stressful and is about to get worse, but for now, I'm just looking forward to CNY and my bday! Must play my fill, cos' after that, there won't be public hols for a long, long time. Bleahh.

Getting settled into the new home house, but still wishing that we can move into our own home soon. Don't want to get used to living in a huge house cos' I probably won't be able to afford it in this lifetime. And..it's just different living under someone else's roof. No matter what, just doesn't feel like home. Oh wells.

How true that friction becomes more keenly felt when the proximity between objects becomes closer. In this case, between people.

I kind of wish we never moved in here.

On a happier note though, I've really missed my chats with LK! Although we're at two ends of the world now, and can only chat via msn, being able to "talk" to him has really made my days at work alot easier to bear. =) Hurry come back so we can resume our all-through-the-night phonechats! Just like how it used to be, 4 years ago. =)

Happiness from a simple innocence.

i scribbled at
11:55 PM