Getting lazier to blog lately! Had a happening weekend, and I'm going to summarise everything into one post here. Hahaha.

Friday night was spent celebrating jb's 21st at the same place last year..central! At least we ate something different. Haha. And had a different cake by the same riverside. =p

Clubbing after that at zirca was tons of fun! And I've found out that I don't need a single drop of alcohol to get highhh. Just the music, company and dancing were enough to make me forget that I was damn cuii from cramps! Amazing to the max can. Lol.

I still kinda miss MOS at its many many rooms though..zirca only has one main dancefloor! That's really quite small actually. Nevertheless, the music wasn't half bad. Next stop: butter factory @ one fullerton or attica! Or maybe st james. Hahaha. Lamu quick organise! I don't particularly intend to wait till december. Heck ladies' night la. =p

Saturday was super peaceful and mono..I finally went to the library after a gazillion years of not stepping into one! Miss those days when I'd just spend my afternoon reading at some little corner..and I did just that! Food for the soul. =)

And after saying for the longest longest time that I wanna go for a picnic, finally did so with the darlings on sunday! Seems like I did alot of things I wanted to do over the weekend. Clubbing, library and picnic!

It was so freaking hot on sunday mans..we all thought it was perfect picnic weather. Who would have known that not long after reaching botanic gardens...it started pouring like freee la. Not just dogs and cats..an entire zoo can! And so we spent like about 2 hours or so waiting for the rain to stop? I wonder how we entertained ourselves. Lol.

And camwhoring to the max after that! I love zhen's camera, seriously. The photos come out looking gorgeous! Not counting the fact that she's always snapping unglam shots of us la. Haha.

Ended up having bak chor mee with bern and zhen after that..and we finally discovered which is the nicer stall! The process was damn hilarious..we literally compared everything from the noodles to the soup to the meatballs. I think the edge lies in the soup. Wahaha. So remember everyone, it's the corner right stall that's nicer! =D

That wrapped up an ultra lovely weekend..if only every weekend can be like this!

Midweek tomorrow, and there are 2 new colleagues coming in! Sounds exciting..finally going to have an AM to join BB and I; there's a chance for both of us to take leave together and holiday after all! All along it's just been the 2 of us in accounts servicing..no way we could have planned any trip together. Lol.

My new dress just came too! Now that it's here, I wonder if it actually suits me muchh. Haha. But nevertheless, I like! =)

Haven't been running since the suburban run..but my running kaki isn't in town lehh. Okays I promise to start running again once he's back. Haha.

KTV with the colleagues this weekend! Hopefully glenn can make it..if not must go and hunt for someone else to make up the numbers. I miss singing!

And I just remembered that I'm supposed to meet qh for dinner this week. I wonder if zb is free too..ehh mr zb, if you see this, please stop dao-ing me and tell me which night you're free okays! Meetup meetup quick! =p

Was telling mummy over dinner that I want to get a dog. And her face totally lit up! Wheeee! Once we move house, we're going to get a doggie! Happiness, or what? =D Time to do my research! Haha.

I'm finally starting to get back a semblance of what life used to be like..and I'm loving it. =)

I do wish that you could have been a part of my life in a different way, but I'm thankful that I even have you around after all. =)

i scribbled at
11:13 PM

I think I'm really a very lucky girl.

I may have lost the person I love the most, but I've also come to realise that there are so many people around me who love and care for me.

And that makes everything so, so muchh better. =)

That time of the month again..was telling bern over msn that the cramps have dropped by for their monthly visit.

And my bff is the sweetest..she told me to let her know if I couldn't get a cab home from my workplace, so that if she was home already and the car was available, she'll drive down to send me home.

Is that the best bff in the world, or what? Love her to bits! Just knowing there are people like her next to me make every kind of suffering seem more bearable somehow. =)

Last night the long distance call from lings..and today, more concern from so many people who know of my unfortunate monthly affliction..haha. Loves.

No matter how bad things get..some form of encouragement or gesture filled with care and concern just make me feel really loved..and bring light to the darkness. It's moments and people like these who give me the added positivity I need to go on in life.

To never lose hope and stay strong, because I know that if I give in to the negativity and darkness, I'll be letting them down, other than myself.

Isn't this reason enough to find the solution to whatever problems come our way?

I love my darlings. Thankyouu all for being the sweetest. *huggs*

There will never be any end to the problems in life..when one ends, another comes along. Sometimes, a few pile on together at the same time. But through it all, there are always people who love you standing beside you, silently and not-so-silently giving you the strength you need. So don't disappoint yourself or anyone around you..stand up on your own two feet and find the solution to your problems, even if it's the hard way. You have to suffer first in order to deserve true happiness. Endure the rain before you see the rainbow. And if so many can do it..so can you. =)

i scribbled at
8:44 PM

That call really touched me..and made my night.

Thanks for caring enough after reading my blog to make that long distance call..love you lings!

Can't wait for you to be back. *huggs*

Feel lots better already..thank you.. =)

i scribbled at
11:05 PM

Don't know why am I blogging again when I just blogged over an hour ago.

But the past hour has been hell..and I feel ultra cuii now.

Cried like there's no tomorrow. And I will really wake up tomorrow looking like crap.

Hate crying at night.

I simply couldn't stop the tears when flashbacks of happier times enveloped me..then I made the mistake of taking out the last gift I gave to daddy. I don't know mans..why did I do that? Knowing full well that the tears won't stop.

Looking at the photos just made me long so much to see and hug him one last time. All the times I've said, I'd give anything just to have him appear in front of me again. One final time.

I suddenly recalled the curious case of benjamin button..the part where, if just one thing was done differently, then maybe the outcome wouldn't be what it was.

Until today, I still blame myself for stupidly arguing with the operator of the ambulance hotline. If I had wasted less time, just insisted harder that they come immediately. Or if I didn't insist at all, and just let them send him to another hospital.

If the driver didn't take a longer route to reach the hospital. If he had been trained to take shortcuts so that the ambulance would reach A&E much faster. How could it be that I actually reached before the ambulance, when we left from the same place? And that I left later?

I have many regrets. I admit it. I wish..the doctors tried harder to save him. I wish..we knew that was going to be the day.

I had never been so scared in my life. And that is the one day in my life I will never forget. Can never forget. The entire day's events just keep replaying every now and then like some unnecessary flick.

I remember..those last words..that moment of clarity in his eyes..holding my hand and the wonder in his voice at being able to feel my hand in his..

And then it was all gone.

This kind of heartache..I could be stabbed a thousand times over and it still wouldn't hurt so much. Wounds heal. This doesn't.

And if the wounds don't heal, I'll just die from it. When someone dies, it's the living who suffer.

I know I sound really really down and cui-ed, but at this moment..I really have no strength to push away the memories and smile through my tears.

I love our happy memories together.

I just wish it could have been much, much longer.

Sybil Wagner: We're meant to lose the people we love. How else are we supposed to know how important they are? --the curious case of benjamin button

Does it really take permanent loss to realise this?..

Once is enough.

i scribbled at
9:47 PM

Sometimes, I can't decide if I should just stay and work late in office, or come home and stone.

Times are no longer like how it used to be..in the past, I'd go home to the tv blaring and homecooked dinner waiting..whole family sitting around in the living room, having dinner in front of the tv (even though it wasn't the best of habits), chit-chatting about our day and just enjoying the company and family warmth.

Miss those days..

Now, there's nothing for me to do except blast the radio and turn on my lappie. After facing the computer for over 10 hours in the day, I have no overwhelming desire to really continue looking at the screen.

Out of dvds to watch and sites to surf..done with my soccer updates and blog-surfing..done with reading my manga and watching my anime..wahlau sian or not.

As usual, since I'm home today with no programme, means no dinner since I don't buy food home..haha. That's where late lunches come in handy..I don't have to eat after work.

Found cereal and decided to be act healthy. Lol. And I swear, this one looks exactly like hamster food! Totally like what I used to feed my hamsters. Just minus the raisins. =x

Don't know why I cancelled my dinner plans for tomorrow. Stupid geri stupid..cancelling it means I'll be doing the same thing at home this time tomorrow. Sighh.

Brought my work home again but..don't feel like doing. Damn swamped already..being driven up the wall and beyond! Arghh. But drowning myself in work gives me less time to think about other things and no time to kill with nothing to do.

Should have just stayed in office maybe.

Whatever happened to my life mans..instead of having no social life, I think I'm actually meeting friends pretty often already..especially those impromptu and impulsive meetups which are so characteristic of me.

And okay, I'm also guilty of not spending time with my mum. But less time spent together means less conflict, less arguments, less heartache, less tears. Isn't it good?

I miss my daddy. Haii.

Anyhows..yesterday was a day of interesting revelations. There's actually something I'm wildly tempted to try, but..I don't know. *shrugs*

Maybe I'll just ask. Out of curiosity.

And I don't know if I'm looking forward to clubbing on friday. I feel like I've been pretty stiff for awhile, so I'll probably be less than enthusiastic there. Yet..that kind of setting is the perfect place for me to get wild and just destress. Become my crazy self again and just chillll with my girls.

Ohwells.

Weekend hurry up comeeee.

But when it's here and I have nothing to do, I'll just lose myself all over again.

i scribbled at
8:38 PM

*entry deleted*

I'm starting to wonder if I still need a blog after all. The rate things are going, I think I just need a private diary instead.

i scribbled at
8:35 AM

I rewrote this entry twice and deleted all the words both times, because I don't have the heart to publish it.

Doing so will only reaffirm that I really have a duality issue which I'm trying damn hard to push back down.

And I just deleted another chunk of text. I never had so much problems blogging in the past. Whatever came to mind would just find life in my keyboard.

I guess I needed to see those words for myself, read aloud and drill it into my skull that it's time to wake up and stop hankering after the impossible.

I'm tiredd of over-thinking. Of wondering and giving myself hell over answers I don't have, but want to have.

I'm exhausted. And I blabber when I can hardly think straight.

Where's the silver lining to my grey, grey clouds?

i scribbled at
2:20 AM

This year seems to be a sporty period for me..not even the first quarter of the year and already I've completed the vertical marathon and 10km suburban run. Not to mention, just registered for the raw duathlon next month and registering for the passion run in may. And! Planning to join the singapore bay run. Haha.

All that running, but no proper training as yet. Oops. No choice, I have to start training for the duathlon cos' my dear colleagues are aiming to compete..thank god there was a choice of 5km and 10km. Asking me to run 10km competitively in a month's time is abit...tough. Those 2 guys really quite onz too..and lucky I'm not the one cycling 40km. =p

Not super satisfied with my suburban race time, but considering I didn't train for it..it'll have to do. Aiming to complete the 5km in under 30mins! Let's see if I can aim for 25mins..

I love the kind of outlet running gives me. Pushing myself and testing how far my limits can go is a surefire way of letting me destress. Maybe cos' I stress myself mentally and physically while running, I get too tired to over-imagine. Haha..

Work is getting shitty and I'm feeling the pressure immensely. Amazing how within weeks of getting my confirmation, I'm swamped beyond belief. *faints.

Work is taking up most of my energy, while I devote the rest to friends and running..but somehow, something feels lacking. Maybe deep down, I know what it is. I just don't know how to solve it. Is there even a solution?..

I feel as though it's not just the weather that's blowing hot and cold at me. Or perhaps I'm thinking too much.

I miss lings! Sighh. Mumbai is so faaaar away..can't wait for you to be back! And cheer up okay darling coussie..don't wanna see you sad. *huggs*

And to you...hope that when you do see this, you'll be up and about. Maybe I overdid it with my display of concern, but nothing was intended by it..that's just me. Anyways..get well soon..

Sometimes, I wonder if I care too much..

i scribbled at
2:00 AM

Guess this means you're sorry
You're standing at my door
Guess this means you take back
All you said before
Like how much you wanted
Anyone but me
Said you'd never come back
But here you are again

Cuz we belong together now, yeah
Forever united here somehow, yeah
You got a piece of me
And honestly
My life (my life) would suck (would suck) without you

Maybe I was stupid
For telling you goodbye
Maybe I was wrong
For tryin' to pick a fight
I know that I've got issues
But you're pretty messed up too
Either way I found out I'm nothing without you

Cuz we belong together now, (yeah)
Forever united here somehow, (yeah)
You got a piece of me
And honestly
My life (my life) would suck (would suck) without you

Being with you is so dysfunctional
I really shouldn't miss you,
But I can't let you go,
Oh yeah

Cuz we belong together now, (yeah yeah)
Forever united here somehow, (yeah)
You got a piece of me
And honestly
My life (my life) would suck (would suck) without you
Cuz we belong (yeah) together now (together now), (yeah)
Forever united here somehow, (yeah)
You got a piece of me
And honestly
My life (my life) would suck (would suck) without you

One of the songs I'm loving at the moment..I hear it at least twice everyday cos' the radio station is always playing it. Seeing as how it's in the top 10 charts.

Been having alot of favourite songs lately..while the lyrics and meaning behind the songs don't always reflect my life, there are always some parts or certain lines which really says it all for me.

I really shouldn't miss you, but I can't let you go.

i scribbled at
8:42 PM

Suburban run...completed! =D

Slept a measly 4 hours last night and almost couldn't wake up this morning. Haha. Bern, jc and I were almost late for the run..actually, when we reached there, they just sounded the air horn to start the race..and we started doing our stretching. HAHA.

Saw all the people whom I knew would be running the race, and I even saw ekoh! Didn't know she registered too..haha.

Considering that I didn't train at all for this run, save for the 4km run a few days back, I'm pretty amazed that I managed to complete the whole thing in one piece, and without stopping too. Yays!

After the first u-turn and we were approaching the start line again, silly me actually thought that was the end of it. I was wondering how come 10km didn't seem hard to run at all. *slaps forehead*

Obviously it wasn't 10km..that was only the halfway mark. Or rather, not even at the halfway mark. Wahlau. Hahaha. Slowed down considerably cos' the sun was quite hot..and I'm unused to running in the day. Geri's a night runner! Lol.

At any rate! Managed to complete the whole thing, and while I bruised a toenail and my leg hurts cos' of the way I land with each step, I was otherwise less tiredd than my 4km run that day! Surprisingly. Haha.

Didn't meetup with my bosses and colleagues after that cos' it was impossible to find them in the crowd..lunched with bern and jc and I'm home!

Sleepy cos' of the lack of sleep..I actually dreamt about soccer last night can! Must be the adrenaline rush from watching liverpool trash man utd 4-1! Happyness! Haha. Man utd aren't invincible after all..I do concede that their team is really good, but anything can happen. =p What more a win for liverpool on man utd's home ground! =DDD

And I'm such a goondu la..I never realised I had football channel at home. Haha. All those times I was moaning over missing some soccer match..now I can catch everything at home! But it's nicer to have company..pity my friends aren't the soccer kind.

That was a nice ending to saturday..and today's a pretty good start to sunday. But monday blues are going to hit me again soon. =x

I feel so sian..what am I doing at home mans. Spent my entire saturday at home in front of my lappie too..goshh damn freaking waste of time. But it was too last minute to make plans.

Dinner later and then lings will be flying off to mumbai land for 3 weeks! So long..am gonna miss you loads!

I think I'm just wasting time here. Haha..suddenly I find that I no longer ask people out randomly and out of the blue. In the past, it was never an issue to me..just text/call people and see who's free. Now..I always wonder if I'll be disturbing by asking. Haiya.

I need programme next week! Please date me out like after work or something..dinner supper anything at all! I don't want to come home to my tiny room and stare at my lappie doing nothing. Bleahh.

And now it's raining. After the hot hot morning. Dots. But thank god for good weather during the race! =)

I shall go find some means of entertainment before I rot away to nothingness.

i scribbled at
1:09 PM

I feel soooo muchh better today. Yays.

And I have football channel at home! Omgoshh can't believe I've been such a goondu all along..haha.

Liverpool vs man united tonight! Exciting to the max!

It would be fun if we could watch together. Haha..I suspect it'll be a very high-energy affair what with you being a man u fan and me supporting liverpool. =p

Have a good saturday everyone! The weekend's here to stay for another day and a half! =)

The sun is slowly coming out of the clouds once more. And I glimpse a rainbow in the distance. =)

i scribbled at
3:21 PM

Melvin just told me, "you're pessimistic".

And he's absolutely right.

I'm seldom like this..I always say, there are two sides to every situation. It's up to you whether you want to be happy or sad. If you can look at the same situation positively, why be negative?

But sometimes, it's just not so simple. When everything starts snowballing towards you at the same time..all the strength just crumbles.

And when I lose my strength..I lose everything. Indeed, it's both my strength and weakness..

One source of my strength has always been my daddy..I miss him so much, it hurts. When I need him the most now..the one person who understood me best, whose few words summarised exactly how I felt..who always made me feel that the sun shines after the rain. That no storm is too powerful to overcome.

The family doesn't feel like one without him. I found out, a little too late, that he was the glue keeping us all together after all. And without him..the cracks are falling to pieces.

I feel shattered, in more ways than one. I don't remember now what was it that's been keeping me going since he went away. Maybe friends? Family? Relatives?

I guess it all sums up to love. And knowing that there are so many people who want the best for me.

I'm trying; I'm trying to find back my characteristic strength.

And I will..I just need some time..

i scribbled at
3:08 AM

I am super, super tiredd but somehow I'm not going to sleep yet. Maybe it's because once I enter lalaland, my friday will be gone, and the real weekend will arrive. And soon, it will be monday again. Thank goodness tomorrow isn't a working saturday..

This week has been hell. Especially yesterday at work..as if I don't have enough to deal with emotionally. The second time since I started work, that I had the urge to run to the washroom and break down.

Sometimes..I wish that my AD understands I don't have just that one client to service. It's a vicious cycle..I rush him for the designs I need, but without my client's inputs, he can't do anything. I'm in a difficult position, can't he see that..he's stressed, but so am I. What's the use of using the f-word when it's not within my control? There's only so much you can push a client without them starting to complain about you.

And the sarcasm..is really unnecessary la. He's a fairly nice guy when I don't piss him off, but it makes working with him feel like I'm treading on thin ice each time. It's freaking tiring and I don't feel myself. I feel so self-conscious, always wondering if the work I do is up to standard in his eyes.

My bosses are happy with my performance; that's good. But it's not enough..

It's been an emo week. Haven't had a mentally tough period since some time back..

Thanks to the darlings who've been meeting up with me to take my mind of things..it really helps not to be alone. In my little room, I just think and think and tire myself out. Physically and mentally.

And exercise helps too..that run really helped. So did pushing myself and furthering my limits with all those training exercises. Although I'm suffering physically as a consequence now. And crap, my suburban run is this sunday..don't know if I'll be in shape to complete it.

It feels good to just concentrate on the endurance I need when running..one of my few outlets to destress and just forget. But I tend to push myself beyond my limits when I try too hard..that sprint was abit too unnecessary. I can't sprint to save my life. Ohwells.

Really very exhausted. Not very sure what I've been typing. Not even sure if I want to keep this blog anymore.

Emo songs make me sad. But the melody is so beautiful.

My life is an irony. I've come to that conclusion. And maybe..I don't really know what I'm looking for in life after all.

But with each experience that comes and goes..it gets harder to tell myself to stay strong, to look at the good instead of the bad, and to learn from every incident that happens. The cynicism increases, and the wall around me gets higher.

Buddy..I don't find it easy anymore. I feel like giving up for once.

I love the people around me. You are the ones who keep me sane when I feel like going hysterical.

Thankyouu for always being there for me..

i scribbled at
2:15 AM

I am super tiredd from waking up before the sun rose this morning, but I'm really glad I went down for morning gongyo.

Sitting in the hall and chanting daimoku..it brought a sense of peace to my heart which has been unsettled the past couple of days. I can't put it out of my mind, no matter how hard I try. But maybe it was hearing daimoku from an entire hall of people which gave me strength.

I haven't been as devoted as I should..save for san sho every morning and night. In fact, sometimes I even forget when I'm in a rush, or when I'm too exhausted. I've missed the feeling of letting out everything that's in my heart to the gohonzon, where all troubles are temporarily erased while I chant. And at the end of it..I emerge stronger and less vulnerable to the problems burdening my mind. Because I cultivate within myself the determination to overcome issues and strengthen my character.

Study meeting today was wonderful too..even if I didn't catch everything that was taught, cos' the chinese can be really chim at times.

Today's topic was, literally translated from chinese, how winter never fails to become spring. Just as how all difficulties and problems will eventually be solved, and the sun is always brilliant after a downpour.

I've been reminded, once again, of how faith and belief in oneself can tide you through the worst of situations, and how the determination to see things through, no matter how tough, will culminate in true happiness.

And..even if some things may not end the way you want it to, it doesn't mean that it's necessarily the wrong outcome. You just have to ask yourself at the end of it, if you've come out of it happier. This is still something not easy for me to identify with..because certain things in life, I just cannot let go. It feels like once I let go..it will be forever lost to me.

The worst feeling of letting go by far..was watching daddy's coffin entering the furnace. That kind of pain is something that nothing else in this world can replicate. That day, a part of me died alongside the burning flames. Yet, ironically..it was because of losing him that I turned to soka. Which has taught me alot, made me understand what happiness is really about and how to achieve that kind of ultimate state..and most importantly, how to live my life. To face up to challenges and difficulties, never wavering in the face of obstacles, and how to love the people around me.

I guess I haven't done the latter well enough. I still have so much more to learn and accept..

I cried again, this time listening to the soundtrack posted on my fb. Cos' it brought back memories, and it speaks of a destined love which was eventually fulfilled. The music..is just beautiful.

I am really, really glad that I went for the gongyo session and gosho study meeting today..I think I can now stabilise the inner turmoil somewhat, and hopefully, find the solution which has been eluding me.

I haven't dealt with things well at all; on the contrary, I regret what I did and said.

I kind of see the big picture clearer now..and finally understand why certain things that were said, were said. I couldn't deal at first. That was my emotions talking, with no heed to the mind and reality at all.

I need the lifeforce within myself to emerge once more, to accept what I have to accept. Eventually, the tears will stop. But for now..the heart cries.

The darker the night, the nearer the dawn.

This quote has gotten me past the worst in life so far. Let's hope it will continue to accompany me all through my days..

There are no problems insurmountable. No difficulty too tough to overcome. I just need the faith, the strength, the trust.

Believe me when I say I'm truly sorry..and thank you. Thankyouu for everything..

i scribbled at
8:38 PM

I hate my blog.

And I hate myself for the uncontrollable blogging tendencies.

I don't know what to think anymore.

i scribbled at
12:25 AM

Caught marley and me with the girls just now! I think the hype surrounding this flick got my expectations a little too high; didn't feel that it was up to what I thought I would get from watching it.

Still, it's a pretty good movie! Really one of those simple plots revolving around a story we all know by now..the ups and downs of the grogan family, and how their lovable pooch fits right in their lives. Quite a hilarious watch..the lab is just so adorable!!

I guess I liked that it actually allowed me to identify myself in a similar situation, should the scenario ever occur one day. Imagining myself with the responsibilities of caring for a dog, the joys it'll bring me, but also the sadness when it's gone..suddenly, I'm really not sure if I'll be able to handle that kind of depressing situation.

Always wanted a dog, but never really thought beyond the part of having fun with it..of course, the costs of keeping one does come to mind, but it's the emotional rollercoaster of owning and caring for a pet that I haven't fully considered..I think.

Should be quite a long while more before I finally decide if I'm ready to own a dog..I do hope that day does come though. Must start doing my homework on doggies. Haha. Who knows, maybe I'll end up with my own "clearance puppy" one day. =p

Wow it's so late already..since falling sick the whole of last week, I've been sleeping pretty early. Suddenly not too used to being up at such an hour. Haha. I feel a headache coming on though..shucks. Hope I don't end up sick again. Depleting my medical leave like it's endless. >_<

And tomorrow's midweek! With alot alot of things to settle..sighh. The next few weeks at work are going to be really trying. And I'm starting to step on the toes of some clients already..can't be helped, I can't be pleasing everyone. There's only one of me and so many of them.

Sometimes I do find service an irony..the importance of good service, we all know. As a consumer, I demand a certain level of service as well. Especially when I know I'm paying for it. Yet, as a service provider, I know the restrictions and boundaries limiting my ability to provide service to the max, so to speak. I really can't make everyone happy..but it's true that every client would expect you to give them the VIP treatment, as though they're your only client.

I try my best, but sometimes, it's just not enough. And when mistakes happen..I hate it most not because I know that I've done something wrong; no one is perfect. I detest making mistakes, especially at work, because I know that the direct impact falls on the company and my bosses, and not really on me. I really hate the feeling of knowing that I've caused trouble to someone else other than myself. Sighh.

Bern is right..this is probably one of the reasons why the two of us feel we're more suited to open our own businesses rather than work for others. At least, mistakes we make, we answer to ourselves and our business. Mistakes others make, we condone and pardon wherever possible. But mistakes made at the expense of others....

And speaking of mistakes..I haven't really been able to get the ntu stab-cum-suicide case out of my mind. Doesn't help that it's being splashed on the headlines of various print media, and even online..can't go to yahoo to search for something without seeing the article header stare back at me.

Don't know why I feel more affected by it than I should; maybe it's because it's so close to home. After all, ntu was my second home for a good 3 years..a place which stores alot of my memories, both good and bad. The ups and downs I experienced while as an undergrad..the joys of school as well as the accompanying stress levels which were like a crazy rollercoaster ride.

While I can identify with school stress, with moments in the past whereby I'd break down and cry from not knowing what to do to bring up my grades, eventually, there would always be a way out. It takes self-discipline and determination to overcome that sort of stress..I just wish the victim had managed to reconcile his emotions better and defeat the tide of negativity.

Although we don't know what really happened, and shouldn't be making any wild guesses, I suppose my bottomline is that no matter how bad things may seem, there's always a way out somehow. Always a light at the end of a tunnel, and that a solution can always be found within the seeds of any problem. It's hard to think in such a manner when you're overwhelmed with unhappiness/stress/depression, but strength of character is exactly what's necessary in such times.

Whatever it is..hope the matter blows over soon and his family and friends will come to terms with their grief. Such things are never easy, especially given the unusual circumstances. A pity, really..a tragedy which could have been avoided.

Ohwells. This has been a depressing topic of conversation..time to change track! But I'm too tiredd to continue blogging. And it's been an essay of a blog entry thus far. Goshh. Hahaha.

On a happier note..I've finally been confirmed by my company and off probation at last! Yays! =)) No pay raise whatsoever but..be happy with what you have, right? Like what jt says..life is good to me now. And I'm thankful for what I have! A job in times of recession when people are getting retrenched, family and friends who love me, and a darling who's there for me no matter what.

Loves! =)

i scribbled at
12:55 AM

And I can't believe my sunday's gone, just like that! *blink*

Stupid cramps..ARGHH. This whole week of mine has been at the mercy of one problem after another..first the gastric flu which only started to subside yesterday, and then the cramps which acted up last night.

Sighh.

Already cramped through the musical yesterday and ruined my supper date with jt..now, it's kept me at home all day, no way to go for my meeting and ktv. Baskett..the pain is back again..and panadol was less than 2 hours ago..

Think it's really high time I look for a specialist..don't know how many more ten years of this kind of suffering I can tolerate every month. =(

Next week's gonna be super longgg since this was a damn short work week for me. Not quite looking forward to it cos' I have alot of work piled up..all thanks to the MCs and everyone rushing to close projects before FY end. Siann.

The rain isn't helping either..being holed up at home with cramps and lightning/thunder in the background is soooo not my ideal way to spend the weekend. In fact, yesterday was the only day this week I actually went out and got to meet people. Goshh.

I enjoyed myself though. =)

But back to reality..where my tummy is killing me..

='(

I miss you.

i scribbled at
7:29 PM