I am super, super tiredd but somehow I'm not going to sleep yet. Maybe it's because once I enter lalaland, my friday will be gone, and the real weekend will arrive. And soon, it will be monday again. Thank goodness tomorrow isn't a working saturday..
This week has been hell. Especially yesterday at work..as if I don't have enough to deal with emotionally. The second time since I started work, that I had the urge to run to the washroom and break down.
Sometimes..I wish that my AD understands I don't have just that one client to service. It's a vicious cycle..I rush him for the designs I need, but without my client's inputs, he can't do anything. I'm in a difficult position, can't he see that..he's stressed, but so am I. What's the use of using the f-word when it's not within my control? There's only so much you can push a client without them starting to complain about you.
And the sarcasm..is really unnecessary la. He's a fairly nice guy when I don't piss him off, but it makes working with him feel like I'm treading on thin ice each time. It's freaking tiring and I don't feel myself. I feel so self-conscious, always wondering if the work I do is up to standard in his eyes.
My bosses are happy with my performance; that's good. But it's not enough..
It's been an emo week. Haven't had a mentally tough period since some time back..
Thanks to the darlings who've been meeting up with me to take my mind of things..it really helps not to be alone. In my little room, I just think and think and tire myself out. Physically and mentally.
And exercise helps too..that run really helped. So did pushing myself and furthering my limits with all those training exercises. Although I'm suffering physically as a consequence now. And crap, my suburban run is this sunday..don't know if I'll be in shape to complete it.
It feels good to just concentrate on the endurance I need when running..one of my few outlets to destress and just forget. But I tend to push myself beyond my limits when I try too hard..that sprint was abit too unnecessary. I can't sprint to save my life. Ohwells.
Really very exhausted. Not very sure what I've been typing. Not even sure if I want to keep this blog anymore.
Emo songs make me sad. But the melody is so beautiful.
My life is an irony. I've come to that conclusion. And maybe..I don't really know what I'm looking for in life after all.
But with each experience that comes and goes..it gets harder to tell myself to stay strong, to look at the good instead of the bad, and to learn from every incident that happens. The cynicism increases, and the wall around me gets higher.
Buddy..I don't find it easy anymore. I feel like giving up for once.I love the people around me. You are the ones who keep me sane when I feel like going hysterical.
Thankyouu for always being there for me..
