Was reading 8Days earlier when I saw this article featuring zoe tay. Something she said really struck a chord in me..and I guess it startled me a little because of how true it is, and how I don't usually admit that I'm like that tooo.
She mentioned that she can be very independent on her own, but she needs alot of love..I seriously think I'd use the exact same phrase to describe myself la. Still remember that my ex used to think I was a very independent girl, so he didn't bother to do alot of things for me..like offering to send me home, etc. Simply because he said that "you can take care of yourself what. You don't need people to take care of you."
That is so not true can! I mean, I can go home myself, I don't always need to be sent. Like, hello, I
think I know the way to my house. But it's the thought that counts..just offering sincerely won't kill, right? Apparently it did for him..
I've been very loved and pampered since young actually..even until now. To the point that I guess I took it for granted. While I relished the freedom I had in hall, the independence from living away from home woke me a little to reality. Not that I couldn't cope; on the contrary, I coped very well with campus life.
But I guess it was daddy's departure that really shattered my life. Suddenly, I was lacking the kind of unspoken love that I'd basked in since the day I was born. My mum still fusses over me, but it's different..
Anyways..that article kinda made me think about the person I am, both in a relationship and out of one. I do admit that I am independent..I don't like to trouble others with things that I can do myself. Even when the other party offers to do something for me, more often than not, I'll decline because I don't want to feel indebted. Even for the smallest offers.
But because of this habit of mine..after awhile, I realised that people just stop offering simply because my automatic reaction is to politely reject. Which also leads them to think that I am perfectly fine and happy on my own.
Not that it's wrong..but while I love my independence, I need alot of attention and love too. That much I'm slowly starting to come to terms with..sometimes I just wanna bask in the love and affection from people around me, to accept their offers of whatever, without having to worry that I'm inconveniencing them.
Maybe it's the chinese culture, I don't know. Haha. I guess the bottomline is, I want to learn to take without having to feel bad, because I know that I will definitely give the same, if not more.
I don't really want to continue being one of those who always says that everything is okay even when it's not, who forces a smile when my heart is crying inside..who wants to say yes and accept but instead, says no.
Haiya this is
soooo hard.
I should start by stopping myself from saying "it's okay" all the time.
But for those around me who can tell that I'm not okay even when I say that I am...thankyouu for caring. It really means
alot to me because you are the ones who really know me inside out. =)
And honestly..I don't give many people the chance to know the real me. I don't even know myself sometimes..I'm just too multi-faceted.
A day of overwhelming thoughts and philosophy indeed.. 
