I was posting some "random 25 things about me" note on facebook that brought me down memory lane. I actually recalled certain things and events all the way back to primary school. Haha. Those were the days man..of freedom, innocence, simple happiness and pure laughter.
Sometimes I really wonder what it is that I've been doing all my life. And what am I actually
living towards. I don't have some fervent goal or dream of being something big, like the president or what..all I want is a simple life with the essentials, and the people I love around me.
I think I used to be more ambitious..until I found out my strengths and weaknesses, what I'm capable of, how vulnerable I can actually be..then I decided against being a bigshot businesswoman.
Life is so unpredictable; will hankering after status and position and wealth really make me happy?
I don't think so..
Just remembered my vday morning date with the hospital. Maybe that's why I'm suddenly feeling apprehensive. So fast and it's 6 months gone again..even lost track of whether my coming checkup involves blood test or not. Everytime the nurse draws a tube full of blood from me, I'm reminded of how daddy had to endure all that, and more. Haii.
And I bloody well hate the checkup can..it always makes me cry against my will.
Baskett.
I hate hospitals. Especially that one.
And I hate the feeling of waiting and wondering if they're going to call me a week later and give me some bad news. Arghh. Damn torturous.
Lucky thing mummy's going to be out of town..I never like telling her that I have the checkup to go for. Then she'll just be restless the entire day and keep asking me if everything's okay. >_<
Sometimes I wonder..if I can look into the future and see what's going to happen, and I find out that the same illness is going to strike me..what will I do? It's like a part of me thinks it might happen, but another part of me just wants to ignore the possibility and live life to the fullest.
Maybe I live life a little recklessly to some people. A huge contrast to the way I was brought up. But sometimes when you think again, what's the point in being so careful with life until you don't enjoy what you like? I don't want to die tomorrow and regret not having lived life the way I wanted.
This is a gloomy post. I realised that everytime my checkup nears, my blog entries become very...
siann. Eeks.
Must quit this habit already..
Midweek tomorrow, but this saturday's a working sat. Responsibilities are getting heavier and the stress level is increasing exponentially..
*breathe geri breathe*
Feel myself falling..and it ain't a nice feeling. 
