Decided that I have to blog, if not I won't be able to sleep tonight. Somehow, I just need to put my mind's thoughts down into words which I can see and read, so that I'll know how to come to terms with what I'm feeling. And to understand my heart and mind.

Discovered alot of things tonight which were unexpected. In some ways, I saw it coming..I knew that somehow, someday, I'd find out the truth. Strangely, I don't feel ultra impacted by it. Maybe time and experiences have conditioned me to become the person I am now.

If I had known these, say, five years ago, I probably wouldn't have been able to reconcile reality with my ideals. The contradiction of my life which I had no qualms about rejecting.

I spent the last hour plus asking myself, what and why. The entire drive home, I was paying attention more to my mind than the roads. Okay okay, this is testament to how no one should sit in my car when I'm overloaded with thoughts. Hahaha.

Came to the conclusion that I've matured and grown up throughout the years..I'm more accepting of whatever life throws at me now, and hardly anything surprises me anymore. The good side to it is that, whenever something bad happens, I automatically cushion myself within a wall. The bad thing is, I need some time to hack down that wall and back into my life.

I'm glad that I found out what I found out today. Really. And I have no regrets, nor am I upset. On the contrary, my mind is a blank. Haha..

I've been too sheltered all my life, and it doesn't help that I'm surrounded by people who are not very different from me. When something different pops up, it does take some getting used to. But I'd like to think that I adapt fairly well. Lol.

Thankyouu for choosing to be honest and sharing with me what you couldn't share with others..it meant alot to hear those words coming from you, to know that you meant every single one of them. You don't have to feel bad for anything, cos' you did nothing wrong. So don't be sorry k, silly boy..

Only time will tell us everything we want to know. For me..I've learnt that some things simply can't have deadlines set in advance; it's a step-by-step process. Whatever it is, I'm willing to undergo any process with you, be it up or down, happy or sad. Just like how I know you'll do anything (well, almost =p) for me tooo.

And randomly..bliss is when the person you're thinking of calls right at that moment to tell you he misses you.

You really made my day.

I love you, my life's biggest "contradiction". =)

i scribbled at
1:14 AM