This is by far the quietest CNY yet..not counting last year's, for obvious reasons.
Ever had the feeling whereby you're surrounded by people, yet you feel most alone?
That feeling sucks. Really.
Started the day by going to the temple to pay respects to daddy and grandma..on hindsight, I should have insisted we did the same for ah gong, ah ma and aunt..but mum wouldn't have been happy.
In the end, we still had a row in the car over
directions. Sighh. I was so
mad that I almost wanted to cry at the wheel. The irony of the situation was, in the past, almost every new year would be somehow ruined by something she wasn't happy with. And usually, daddy suffered the brunt of it, especially if it had to do with driving.
Seems like although he's no longer around, some things simply don't change. It becomes
my turn instead.
For a second there, I wanted to just tell her to sell the freaking car and refuse to drive anymore. That's what she's always been threatening me with anyway. Heck la, sell the damn thing and I won't
ever have to drive her around. I think I might gladly trade my driver's license for that someday.
Like what lings said to me before, it's either I drive extremely carefully with her around (which I already bloody well do), or I don't drive her at all (which is not an option to her).
Siann.
Had steamboat for lunch again, then it's been me, myself and I in my own little world since then. Read a book, dozed off and woke up to my text message tone.
On an impulse, I took out my last gift to daddy and flipped through the album. Maybe I shouldn't have done that..the tears fell like a dam that broke loose. The most tangible, physical memories I have left are photographs really..since that day, I've been so afraid of one day forgetting how he looked like, the places we went together, the things we did together..every now and then I just have the urge to refresh those memories so that I will never forget.
It's a scary thing, the human mind. You never know what will happen. Imagine if one day in the future I get stricken with amnesia or dementia or something that makes me forget..I think I'd rather die than live without my memories of him.
Such a sad post on a day when almost everyone else is celebrating. But I'm just not in the mood to have fun. Don't know how tomorrow will pass; I just want wednesday to quickly come.
And hope that my
dayima won't kill me when it comes too. All I'm looking forward to now are the plans that lings has arranged for on my birthday..love her to bits. Thanks favourite coussie for planning my bday and going to celebrate it with me.. =)
And of course, wednesday night when the 秘密 will finally be revealed and someone will be back! I honestly don't know how things will turn out eventually after you're back, but somehow I'm rather hopeful. It's the kind of feeling that I haven't really been able to feel since all my hopes were dashed in a single day.
Regardless of what may happen..whether everything will turn out as expected or otherwise..I still think I lucked out to have met you. Thanks for having been everything sweet and nice and even annoying at times. Haha. =)
Tiredd. 
