I think something snapped in me that night. All other times something similar happened, I held back and ended up being the one giving in, cajoling and trying my darn hardest to make everything sunny again.
I'm not going to do that anymore. It's fucking tiring and I feel so disgusted with myself for trying to play up her good mood.
Why must it be me?
Enough of being the one to apologise for something that isn't my fault, enough of always being cast in the bad light. Enough of being on the receiving end of threats, of being blamed whenever her mood goes awry.
I really can't be bothered anymore. The tension now is so thick I think a blunt knife can cut through it. I don't know how long this is going to last, although on the surface, it seems as though everything is grudgingly back to normal.
Don't believe what your eyes see.But somehow, no matter how hard I try not to care, inevitably, I find myself worrying at the back of my mind. Some corner which is constantly burdened.
I can't go out with friends for supper without checking my phone a million times, praying that it won't vibrate, yet at the same time, my mind constantly works to think of plausible reasons and excuses for the time.
And it's bloody not even considered late. Freak.
Sometimes I wonder if I should simply not go at all. Then I don't have to appear so distracted and moody. Totally takes the fun out of a gathering.
And I hate it when the rest have to plan around my curfew restrictions as well. Even though people say it's alright, they can't go back too late either; deep down, I know full well that the consequences of me going back late is something they likely won't experience.
It's so sad, but I'm starting to dread weekends. Especially now that I have no more tuition. Weekdays at work actually make me happier, despite the crazy workload and stress. Simply because it's a legitimate reason for me not to be at home. And if I work late, she can't say anything either.
Been trying to work late the past few nights but not able to do so cos' my colleague gotta lock up. Thank god lings dated me out after work..
I don't know how is my sunday going to pass mans. Shit la. Don't wanna spend time with her argh.
I hate this, I really do. Didn't expect things to come to this so fast and so soon. And I really don't intend to be as submissive and pacifying as before.
If daddy were around, he'd probably be upset at my decision; I'm sorry, but I really can't take it anymore.
At this rate, I'll go mad. Suddenly have this urge to find some reason to work overseas.
I want to turn back time so badly, it hurts like hell.
But what I'm going through now, is worse than hell. 
