Affairs of the heart can be so filled with happiness, but also full of headaches.

Talking to my dear senior and hearing his situation now kind of gives me the deja vu feeling.

Which is one reason why I wanted to know your answer to their question..

Once bitten, twice shy. I don't want to let myself be stupidly hurt anymore.

Hearing him share his story and the current situation really brings back memories which I think may be better forgotten. Yet at the same time, if not for the past, I might not be the girl I am today, or think the way I think in this present.

The past does indeed shape our present, and future.

It's easy to dish out advice, but not so easy to follow it ourselves. I remember those five years being a game of hide-and-seek with me, myself and I.

I guess all these past experiences have jaded me somewhat. I no longer believe in love at first sight, and no longer dream of fairytale endings as much as before.

Back then, everything was so simple. Before I understood the meaning of heartbreak, and being hurt by someone you love. Experiencing all that, though, really wisens a person up. Less innocence, and more cynicism.

Buddy always tells me, it's better to be loved more than to love. At least, for girls la. But I'm not sure if I'll be happy with someone who loves me more than I love him. Can't really fathom that situation.

Best case scenario? Mutual love. Haha. Not easy to find though.

I really feel for my senior sia..that feeling sucks to the max. It's not something I'd wish on my worst enemy.

I really hope you'll solve this problem soon ya..it took me 5 years to stop running away from reality. I hope your day of revelation will come ultra, ultra soon. *huggs

I miss my buddy..haven't exactly seen him since..convo? If you're reading this buddy, we are so gonna meet up soon okays! Fill me in about your life! =)

I quite like my life now. Save for the jobless part. Haha. In some ways..I'm on a quest for answers to questions which fill my mind, yet at other times, I tell myself, why even bother?

I believe that fate has a hand in crafting out our life's journey, but I also believe that fate lies in our own hands. It's up to us whether or not we want to change what we can, and to some extent, even what seems impossible.

Today's post seems so..philosophical. Haha. I used to blog in such a way awhile back. All the retrospective viewpoints and opinions..

There's a really good friend I want to thank (once again =p) before ending though. For allowing this side of me to resurface once more, a personality I kept under the surface since my last failed relationship, and since all the unhappiness stemming from last year's events.

I've missed that side of me for quite awhile now. The "me" which got suppressed cos' he didn't like it. Cos' I wasn't living up to his expectations, and wasn't behaving the way he liked.

On hindsight, I wonder why was I stupid enough to actually keep that part of me hidden just because he wanted me to. I have never been one to lose my individuality since the day I decided on how I want to live my life as a person. Am just so glad I mustered the courage to jump off that sinking ship.

This has been a really long and rambly post..not quite emo, yet it has made me recall many things and reflect on feelings and events, past and present.

What the future brings, I do not know. All I want is less ambiguity in my life as far as is possible, and more happiness for everyone around me.

Everything happens for a reason, the result of a cycle called cause and effect. I truly believe in it.

And I believe that no matter what, our efforts will pay off someday. Take heart in that. =)

i scribbled at
2:26 AM