I finally own a watch once more, after not wearing one in
years.
Ever since a limited ed watch was scratched, and I got super
xin tong, I told myself I won't wear watches anymore. Haha.
But yesterday I saw a very pretty watch! Not pretty as in
elegant-pretty, but pretty as in
girly-pretty. Wheee! And it wasn't ex, plus I was in a total shopaholic mood, so I bought it! =)
Suddenly, I'm drawn to every gorgeous watch I see advertised. This is bad! Cos' they're all expensive watches and I like them all!! Yikes.
I just realised I sound freaking bimbo in the last few lines. Ohmygoshh. Jobless still, yet rambling on about expensive watches. Sounds damn wrong la.
Spent my entire afternoon jobhunting! Planning to apply for quite a few which I hope I'm suitable for, but gotta tailor my resume first...ultra tedious job la.
I still don't really know what I wanna do though. Then again, I'm not exactly in a position to pick and choose. I should be lucky to land a job,
any job...right? Given that the job market isn't exactly good now, either.
Siann.
I miss my studying days muchlyy! I wanna go back to being an undergrad. =(
I miss hall life..I hate home life. Hate the restrictions and boundaries within which I'm confined. Twenty-two and counting, yet being treated like I'm two.
Why just can't she understand that there's a reason for everything I do, everywhere I go? Just let me have this little bit of freedom while it's still available to me...once everyone starts school/finds a job/goes overseas you can chain me at home for all you like.
I'm so tempted to dive back into my initial plan of finding a job overseas. Or whatever position now which requires tons of travel, I'll be more than happy to accept if they want me. Just let me get away from this crap la.
I'm sorry to say that you won't be the one I miss the most, though
by right, I should. There's only one person I would ever miss for all of eternity, and he's gone.
I hate promising you things, cos' deep down, you and I both know that I don't always mean it. I did say I'll try, and maybe I'm still not trying hard enough. For that, I'm sorry. I really am. But I can't take it, just like how you can't tolerate my "nonsense" either.
We're just meant to clash, right from the start. It's been this way ever since I was old enough to recall memories. I'm sorry for whatever crap I've thrown upon you, that you've had to tolerate in the name of a parent, whatever unfilial acts which I'm supposed to have committed them all.
I'm just too tired to continue trying. Every word I say must be carefully weighed, every action properly thought out. It's a tiring life to live according to your rules. And when I don't, I get hell. Physical hell, I can deal. Not mental hell.
Not mental.
Let me reiterate, I'm freaking
twenty-two, not
two. Thanks for your concern, I understand where you're coming from, but
please, for god's sake, listen to my views and opinions, and trust me when I really say I can take care of myself, I know what Im doing.
Yes I am that unfilial daughter to you, as always, and I'm sorry for it. But as long as we can't meet halfway, I don't think this impression will ever change, no matter what I do.
Sorry for all the things I've done and never done, words I've said and never said, for not being your ideal daughter in more ways than one.
Maybe I'm too immature to see your whole point. And you, mine.
After blasting everything out here, I may regret tmr what's typed here. But for now, it's what I truly feel. And I suspect, for a long time to come.
I just want to leave all these for awhile and go to someplace where you can't reach me. Even if only for a night.
Last night, the urge to stay out was so strong, I'm amazed I managed to will myself home.
Why can't life stay frozen at 20?...
I was never meant to be the peacemaker between us both. Daddy I'm sorry, but I really can't do it. Not the way you could, and wanted. Im sorry..I miss you so muchh. 
